A Single Woman's Journey To Motherhood


Location: Washington, United States

I began my TTC journey in January 2005. It finally worked with the 5th IUI and along came Eliana! I started trying for a second (T42) a little over a year later, and was thrilled to get pregnant on the second try this time. Jacob soon joined our family! Not sure if I am done at two, but come along for my journey in motherhood. If you stop by, please leave me a short note! I like to know when I have visitors. :)

Monday, May 30, 2005

Kicking myself

and it hurts!


I looked at fares to fly back from Regina in July since I just don't think I can drive from Regina to Seattle in one day and make it to class at 7 am the next...Anyway, I looked at the fares about a week ago, and the cheapest flight was 160. I still was not convinced I should fly, but today I thought I had better by that ticket...so I look online, and the cheapest now is 190 at 7 am, or 215 in the early afternoon like I had thought I would do...


Uncle to the rescue!

So, a couple months ago we had this really bad windstorm which ripped my BBQ cover to shreds. A good housekeeper (which I am definitely not) would have removed that immediately and likely would have avoided my future problem.

Fast forward to mid-May. You may recall my talking about cleaning all the BBQ parts (I think I did anyway) a couple weeks ago. After I finished, I tried to remove the shredded BBQ cover from the deck, and as I pulled on it, a swarm of wasps came up off of the deck. I was freaked out and ran inside.

I investigated a few times and finally realized that they were beginning to build a nest on my BBQ cover.

At the same time, one of my tomato plants is horribly diseased or being eaten by something...brown spots on the leaves and the leaves turn yellow and die..

So, I call my uncle and tell him about these problems. He isn't sure about the tomato problem and suggests I spray the plant and/or take a leaf to a nursery and see what they say. As for the wasp problem, he tells me he isn't too sure, but he will come up and look at it on Monday.

This morning, at 8:30, my aunt called to say they were going to come up later this morning. When the phone rang at first, I panicked thinking, maybe it isn't a holiday and I am supposed to be at school! LOL I don't know if I will ever get rid of this fear...

They came by around 10 and super-uncle to the rescue! He sprayed the wasps (which he tells me were not wasps but yellowjackets), then stomped on them LOL and then cleared away the cover. Then he pulled some weeds, looked at some plants, and came in and looked at my toilet (the handle has broken away from the little pulley thing..) and told me that I should be able to buy a new handle kit...which I will try to do today, but it might not be until tomorrow or next week...we will see. LOL

Anyway, hooray for super-uncles!:)

Sunday, May 29, 2005

A visitor!

It happens so rarely that it is very exciting. :) I had a visitor yesterday. Shawna was a housemate of mine one year in Victoria and someone I had lost touch with for quite a while. But, I was talking with a mutual friend of ours the other day and she gave me info about Shawna, we emailed, and decided she would come down for the day (a child-free day for her, something which she was very excited about!)

She got here around 11ish. We visited for a good while out on the deck and she looked at my wasp problem (more on that another day...) She wasn't nearly as scared of them as I was..LOL. We went out for lunch and then made our way into Seattle.

We went off to the Pike place market and I was amazed that she lived out here on the Canadian west coast for so long, and had never heard of the market nor the flying fish! LOL. We had a good time checking out all the flowers and crafts and, of course, the flying fish.

Then, we headed off to the Folk festival. We were parched from the heat and stopped and picked up slushes on our way...I haven't had a slush in probably like 5 years or more...LOL. I got a little discouraged as we stopped at 7-11 because the parking lots we were seeing said that event parking was 20 dollars!!!! But, we found a parking lot that was only 10, parked, and headed in. It was so much fun! There was a lot of African music which made me happy and eventually we made our way to the "rhythm workshop" tent and I was very sad that i didn't have a drum. But, no problem, we followed along drumming on our knees. :) I am definitely thinking I want to take djembe lessons...it was a lot of fun. :)

By about 7, I had had enough fun in the hot sun for me (I burn easily and the sun just makes me incredibly tired), and we headed back home. We had a quick dinner (nothing fancy...I had thought I might BBQ, but the wasps have thwarted that plan) and then played a variety of games. I love games! :) We played some awale (West African game), boggle (my absolutely favouritest game), and scrabble. And around 11 pm, she headed back up to Canada.

It was a great day! Now, I have to get ready to head off to church. This afternoon I am going back to the festival with another friend, and we are eating dinner there...I can't wait for my gyro!:)

Monday, May 23, 2005

Swimmers on board!

This morning began with me hitting my head on the frame of the car door and my glasses going flying. I picked them up and they were extremely lopsided so much that I could not see properly through them. So, I ran back inside and tried to find my previous pair. At first, I couldn't find them and could only find my glasses from like 10 years ago or so...that really sucked because I couldn't see a thing. Eventually, I did find my newest old glasses and put them on and ran out the door.

Today was my last day of my ESL internship. I realized on my way to the class that I had forgotten to bring a card for the teacher...

During 4th period, the mystery smoker who stands somewhere near where the air to my room comes from decided to once again have a cigarette outside...everyone was complaining, I called the office again and they told me Steve (the security guy) was out and there was nothing they could do...great.

I had a lot of ovary pains from about 10am-2:00ish..

So, you may think that after reading all of this that my day sucked...but that is not true. Someone was smiling down on me today. After school, I got downtown to the clinic in record time and I was very pleased with my 2:33 arrival (appointment at 2:30). The nurse came and got me pretty quickly and as she was ushering me into the room, I hear Dr. S. say to her "who's doing her IUI?" to which the nurse says the nurses, and he says, "I better do it". LOL. Yep, no nurses apologetically fumbling around as they can't find my elusive cervix (of course, the nurses are very personable and friendly..unlike Dr. S). The nurse came back in and told me since I was late (this is the only unfriendly nurse I have come across there...but I frequently run into her...), that it was going to be a while...So I waited, and waited, and the last time I got up to check the clock it was 3:17 and Dr. S. came in shortly after. It hurt a bit today, I wonder if that is because I already ovulated...I wouldn't call it pain, just discomfort..nothing like Dr. Pain (who I passed three times and she always smiled and said hi and I wondered if she cringed at the sight of me as much as I cringe at the sight of her...)

So, Dr. S. is not very talkative as I have said before. He did not tell me if there was any EWCM or anything. However, I always receive a sheet from the lab about my sperm sample and it was excellent again. I would like to see more rapid and linear, but when you start with 92 million, I figure you can afford to have only 26% rapid and linear...(gives a total motile count of 33.1 million). I asked him about the labs from yesterday. E2 was 468 and LH 6.3 (so I am just plain not surging for some reason...). I need to look up what the E2 numbers mean...

After the IUI, I lay there for the mandatory 15 minutes, then headed out. Stopped at the washroom because I hadn't had the time to pee since like 11 am, and there was either a little bit of blood, or a little spillage from the IUI, it was a very light light pink. I am hoping it was not spillage...Anyway, then I proceeded to pay, and they still didn't charge me for the trigger shot yesterday and I still didn't tell them (gasp!). I set up my appointment for a beta 16dpo. So, I go in on June 8th at 2:45...of course, because it is so late (but the earliest I can get there), I probably won't get the results until the next day....let's hope that I have at home BFP long before then!

In all, I think this was the least eventful IUI, and I have great hopes for my two little eggs!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Follicle Update

So, I went in for a second ultrasound this morning to see how my follicles were maturing.

As I sat in the exam room waiting for Dr. S, I just had this feeling like this is my child (or children!). It was a very calming and happy feeling. I hope it is true! :)

Anyway, so he came in and they had the stupid machine in the way so it was really hard to see the monitor and I had to kind of half sit up with the dildocam inside..LOL, not an easy feat.

The smaller follicle from yesterday didn't grow much, went from 17mm yesterday to 18mm today.
The larger follicle grew from 20mm to 24mm.

My lining improved today (which really helped to put my mind at ease) to 10.1 today, unfortunately still solid (not trilamater sp??).

He ordered the trigger and asked me if I had spoken with Dr. T yet about a plan of action if this cycle doesn't work. I told him yes and that we plan on doing an HSG next cycle (provided I can schedule it...I don't know if it going to be possible since it will be RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF FINALS which means I can't take any time off...) and then on to injectables. I also told him that Dr. T. had talked about checking LH and E2 this cycle. He looked it up on the computer, and she had not written that...even though we had talked about it. He said no problem, and he ordered them for me. So, I am not sure if I will get the results tomorrow at the IUI or if I will have to call the nurse on Tuesday...

After I got the HCG shot and my blood drawn, I went to pay and schedule my IUI. At first, she told me there were only two slots tomorrow for IUI at 8:30 and 9:00. I told her that was impossible as I couldn't get away from work and even more importantly, it isn't long enough from the injection (truthfully, it would be about the timing we have been using...). She called around and finally said she could make me an afternoon appointment, but only at 2:30 because that was the latest time the andrology lab could do it. I know this is not true because I have had IUIs at 3:30, but I took it. It will be a mad rush to get there, and I will probably be 5 minutes late (which I informed her of), and super stressed out, but I will get there provided there are no major accidents on the freeway...

Then she totalled up my bill for today. It came to 197 and I asked her if she was sure and if she got the labs. She said yes, and I headed out. Once I got to the lobby, I realized why it was so cheap, she had forgotten to charge me from the HCG trigger. I went home. Surely, I am going straight to hell for not fessing up...LOL

Saturday, May 21, 2005


You may be able to tell from the title that I am just a little excited about my ultrasound this morning.


It was funny, the weekend doc this weekend is Dr. S., the man who is always called to do my IUIs because he is the only one to find my cervix. We have never met when I was sitting up and looking at him until today and he had no idea who I was until I told him he was the one who had done my last two IUIs. LOL.


Anyway, my appointment was bright and early at 7:30 am. I needed gas and wanted to pick up my free latte at Safeway, so I left at 6:30...bad idea on a Saturday morning as that had me down in Seattle at 7, waiting for the clinic to open. Finally, around 7:15ish I saw a couple go inside, so I made my way inside.


Dr. T. (my RE) was supposed to have ordered some lab tests, E2 and LH, but apparently she didn't, so I had no bloodwork done. Dr. S. came in and I was stunned to find on my RIGHT ovary (I think this is the first time on my right): 2 (yes, two!!!) follicles. How exciting! One was 17mm and the other 20mm. My lining was not so great at 8.8, but he said anything over 7 was acceptable...In order to give the 17 a little more time to mature, I go back in for another ultrasound tomorrow morning. I made the appointment for as late as possible, which was 8:45 am, not very late, because I won't be able to get in for my IUI until after 3 on Monday. I guess it doesn't hurt to mix up the amount of time between the trigger and the IUI. If I get in at 3, it will be 30 hours...I have been doing 24 hours, and I know that with IVF and stuff they do 36, so maybe this will be good...


Anyway, I stopped at school on my way home to get some work done, so I should get to work. I am just so excited to finally have TWO follicles! WOOHOO!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

TTC and maternity thoughts...

First off, thanks to everyone who gave tips and encouragement regarding my tub issues..LOL. I finally just redid the sealant...it looks awful, but there is no more mould.

Yesterday, I went to the maternity benefits meeting that my school district puts on once a year. I was annoyed once again at how horrible maternity leaves are here in the US. I can't believe that I am the only one who appears to be bothered by the fact that the MAN gets one paid leave day (not sick leave, not personal leave) on the birth or his child, but that the woman has to use a sick day. That is just so very very wrong.

I was also annoyed that you must exhaust your sick leave during a maternity leave. How does that make sense?? Then, once you return, you better pray and pray and pray that you and baby don't get sick (which of course baby will, because he/she will be in day care...)

Finally, I was kicking myself for not signing up for short term disability insurance in September (the only time a year you can enroll in these things). Apparently, you can get 2/3 of your salary for 6 weeks after the birth of your baby..that's a great deal since we have no paid maternity leave (except for the amount of sick days you have..) There is a pre-existing condition clause though, so in some ways, it would be nice to not got pregnant until say, August and then i could just not "confirm" my pregnancy for a couple weeks....

Today, I had my consult with the RE. She acted surprised to see me, like I didn't need to check in after 3 failed cycles..(four really...but only 3 IUIs). I said I would like to have an HSG and she thought that was a good idea, so I will set that up sometime between day 7-11 and of the next cycle. This could be a problem, it may end up being during finals, and I won't be able to take the day off...I don't know how late they will do them.

I also asked about getting a beta each cycle to check if I am pregnant. She agreed, but only on/after 16dpo...oh well, better than not at all. Having an end in sight, I won' mind continuing the progesterone that long.

Finally, I asked if I could do injectable cycles in the summer (since it will be easier to schedule). So, at the end of next cycle, I am to schedule an injection class and then order my meds (Follistim it looks like for those who are curious..) She talked to me about injectables versus IVF. She mentioned the shared risk IVF program, but when I mentioned that I thought the woman needed to have a BMI under 35 (which I don't), she said she wasn't aware of that. That is interesting...if I would be accepted, that is an intriguing possibility since it would mean that you get money back if you don't get pregnant, which I could then put towards an adoption.

She seemed pretty positive still that she thinks I can get pregnant. She also respected my explanation of why I wasn't planning on doing IVF (that it is practically the cost of an adoption...). I have a positive outlook right now. I go in for a cd13 ultrasound on Saturday morning (7:30 am, what was I thinking??!!). Hope there is one (maybe even two??) good follicle ready to be triggered!:)

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Just some thoughts...

Just a bunch of jumbled thoughts today for you.

I have been toying with the idea of adding a home insemination with my IUIs....I don't know if that is logical or not...

I am getting very disgusted with mould or something black on the edge of one corner of my bathtub...I have had this problem since I moved here, try to remove it with various mildew cleaning products that I buy which involves some serious scrubbing and just never gets rid of it completely...Any ideas?

One of my main reasons for wanting a house was to have a garden. And now I am finding that I am such a scaredy cat when it comes to insects and mushrooms...what the heck is that??? So yeah, today, I went to water the garden and there were these huge mushrooms growing, and I was so freaked out to touch them, so I kicked them over as best I could..LOL. Let's not even go near my intense reaction to slugs...a very common problem here in the NW. Last year, after my uncle showed me there were slugs under my peas, I let all my peas die without being picked because I was too freaked out...Oh yeah, I have some serious issues;) LOL

I spent much of my morning looking at adoption agencies which do international adoptions in China. Not sure what that is about. I do think I will be successful in adopting domestically eventually....won't I? I don't know.

Then I spent some time thinking about how if I just gave up this crazy quest for motherhood, that I would have spending money to travel...Which got me excited, and then sad again when I thought about how I just don't seem to enjoy traveling on my own much anymore.

Well, my garden should be sufficiently wet enough now that I can lay out some slug bait. Must go!

Friday, May 13, 2005

I survived

Somehow, I survived the week and was able to wake up on time every day of the rest of the week. :)

Nothing too exciting happened during the rest of the week. I of course now need to extend my internship one more day into the following Monday...so there are 6 days left. The students are rather unruly and I don't know if I will ever get a 30 minute videotape that I am happy with (required for my endorsement). I currently have no lessons planned for my internship for next week, so that will take up a good chunk of my weekend. (the other chunk will be finishing marking the 130 unit tests that we took on TUESDAY...my poor Spanish kids are really suffering while I have no planning period to mark their things...) And finally, grades are due on Tuesday and I need to finish those up...

This Sunday is the local SMC meeting. Usually it is the second Sunday of the month, but since last weekend was Mother's Day, we changed it to this weekend. I am not planning on attending. I like the meetings and I always go when they are at someone's house, but this week it is in a park and I just don't feel as interested in going.

I received an email from the adoption agency here today. I had emailed asking how long it takes from application to starting the home study which she said takes about 8 weeks. I am rather tempted to send out my application earlier in that case, since I would like to get a good start on my home study during the summer when I have more time. Also, she said that I can use my home study for both this agency and the other one that I have been considering that has a flat fee of $15000 due only with placement.

Well, that is my brief update for the evening. :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Is it Sunday?

So, yesterday I had some horrendous cramping while teaching. It kind of tamed down a bit by the time I got home, but I figured since I was so tired and still a bit crampy, that I would take an Aleve and head to bed.

Oh yeah, I sure slept...

And slept, and slept...right THROUGH my alarm, until 8 am!!!! Now, I usually get up at 5 am and am at school at 6:15, but I HAVE to be at school by 6:50...

I looked at the clock and my first thought was "oh good, it's Sunday, I need to get up if I am going to make it to church...", and then just as quickly I realized, HOLY COW, it is NOT Sunday and school has started!!!

I was so freaked out. I ran into the living room, grabbed the phone, and tried to call the school, but I don't know the number to talk to the office, and can only think of Jan's number, so I call her and tell her I am coming and can she please call the office. I got dressed, fed the cats (why didnt they wake me up??? they usually do....but then again, so does the alarm usually wake me up...), grabbed a Costco muffin to eat on the way (thank goodness I went to Costco Monday night to pick up my Clomid), and ran out the door.

I felt so sick to my stomach the whole way...I mean, of all the times to sleep in, it had to be during these three weeks when I am doing my ESL internship!!! As soon as I got to class (just before 2nd period starts...and first period is my planning period so I didn't get any pay docked...that was lucky), I called the teacher I am teaching with for my internship and she was very understanding...but still. I am still so embarassed,...and now of course I have to extend my internship one more day into a fourth week which kind of sucks...

Oh man. What a day.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

And the winner is...

Currently, the most popular search term that brings people to my site....drum roll please......"I hate verizon". LOL I love it!

Finally, my old friend Spot

Yes, finally Spot has arrived and AF is on her way...strange that my temp didn't drop this morning, but it should by tomorrow I suspect.

In the meantime, yesterday I downloaded the application for WACAP, a local adoption agency. I filled it out and put it in an addressed envelope and everything. I will send it out mid-June if my next cycle doesn't end in pregnancy. This way, I can get started on the home study during the summer hopefully. Also, it doesn't hurt that they are offering $100 off the application fee in May and June to celebrate mother/father's day.

Well, must go out to school now to prepare for another long week...I really wanted either a BFP (definitely my first choice) or AF today..and at least there is some spotting which means AF is on her way...

Saturday, May 07, 2005

IUI #3 update, 16dpo

Well, today is 16dpo (16 days past ovulation), and once again I tested negative. My temp is weird..it has been hovering around 97.6 for most of my luteal phase...it has gone up and down, but it always goes back there. That is weird, and I don't know what to make of it, but with repeated negatives, I just don't think I am pregnant. (trust me, when I say repeated, I mean like...probably 15 tests or more...) Also, I have had no pregnancy symptoms which appears to be unheard of in my family...

So, I am stopping my progesterone today. I will still test tomorrow morning just in case there is a Mother's Day miracle there....but I am hoping to see AF on Monday...

As I said in my last post, I am quite down about this. I really do wonder/worry if it will ever work...if I am just wasting my time and money.

I called to make an appointment with my RE (she is back from her maternity leave) to discuss my three negatives and to set up an appointment for an HSG which checks to see if my tubes are open. I couldn't get in until the 17th, so I will just do this next cycle like the previous two...150 Clomid days 3-7. I am also thinking of asking if we can do an injectable cycle during the summer when I am more able to go in for the frequent ultrasounds. Maybe we could even fit in two?

My game plan right now, I think, is Clomid this next cycle, HSG early June followed by one or two injectable cycles, back to Clomid for 3 more cycles, and quit in December...

I am also considering getting started on an adoption home study this summer....


Tuesday, May 03, 2005


I know it is really "too early" to tell...but I think it is quite doubtful that this cycle has worked. My temp dropped yesterday again, and while it didn't stay down, it didn't go way up again either. My HPTs continue to be negative...but most importantly, I think AF is on her way. I can often tell that AF will be here within a couple days when I start retaining water and there has been very little coming out today....so....

This is the first cycle that I am really kind of upset about ending in a BFN. Mostly, I am starting to wonder if it will ever work. I know that everyone who goes through multiple cycles to get pregnant goes through this stage....but that doesn't make me any more rational today. LOL. This was my third IUI and technically, I should be seeing my RE to re-evaulate and likely schedule an HSG, but I think I will hold off for one more cycle simply because I can't handle the extra appointments in the next two weeks while I am doing my ESL internship...

Of course, I will definitely still test on Thursday (14dpo) or Friday (15dpo) provided AF is still not here...

Sunday, May 01, 2005


Originally uploaded by kajohn345.
Just a wildflower growing out back...


Originally uploaded by kajohn345.
I worked outside a lot today planting my vegetables and then took a few minutes to take some pictures of some of the flowers in my backyard. This is my rhododendrom starting to bloom.

Lit Disco Ball Star

Lit Disco Ball Star
Originally uploaded by kajohn345.

The disco ball star lit. As it heats up, it turns the cellophane which makes these Ws go across the wall and ceiling.

Disco Ball Star

Disco Ball Star
Originally uploaded by kajohn345.
Yes, I am only now figuring out how to post photos...bare with me. Way back when, I talked about our special disco ball star. I will attempt to post two pictures of it...let's see if this works. :)

BFN and other things

First, I know that many of you are waiting anxiously with me for the day I one day see a second line not induced by the HCG shot...but it is not today. This morning I tested with both a FRER and an internet cheapie and both could not have been more white in the testing area. I am trying not to give up since I still believe that everything seemed very good this time around...I am even considering continuing the progesterone until maybe like cd16 this time around....I don't know, I guess we will see. By that time, I get rather anxious to begin the next cycle...

I finished my midterm and sent it off. I did as much as I had to/want to on my professional certification this weekend.

Now, the sun is shining, and I need to go buy some vegetable seeds, pots, and other gardening things...it is time to plant my garden! :)