A Single Woman's Journey To Motherhood


Location: Washington, United States

I began my TTC journey in January 2005. It finally worked with the 5th IUI and along came Eliana! I started trying for a second (T42) a little over a year later, and was thrilled to get pregnant on the second try this time. Jacob soon joined our family! Not sure if I am done at two, but come along for my journey in motherhood. If you stop by, please leave me a short note! I like to know when I have visitors. :)

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Rolling over!

Oh my! I was so shocked this evening as Ellie grunted and groaned and worked so hard and actually rolled over from her tummy to her back! Way to go!

I know I have been rather absent lately...we went to visit mt parents and grandma for Easter. All isell with us and I am enjoying more and more smiles every day. :)

Sunday, April 09, 2006

What I did..

I know you are all dying to know what I did with my dilemma. I did the stupidest thing I could. I let her keep sleeping in her car seat and I piddled around NOT sleeping. I pumped, emailed, washed bottles, who knows what else and she finally woke up just as I was getting really tired around 10:00. Changed her diaper and her clothes, nursed, she seemed to be sleepy, went to bed. Nope. Up again, nursed, gave her a small bottle of formula, tried to go to bed. Nope, up again. Big poopy diaper change. Rocked, more bottle, this time my expressed milk, sat on the couch and let her fall asleep on me first, FINALLY got to bed around 1:00. She woke up with a wet diaper at 1:30 but thankfully went right back to sleep...only until about 3:30. Didn't go back down again until about 5:00. Up again at 8:00 at which point after nursing her we just both slept on the couch for an hour or so...comfortable for her, not so much for me.

Oh well...and she is up and wanting attention now. However, in the middle of her awake time from 3:30-5:00, it was so cute...I was thinking to myself sure you are wide awake now, and she looked right at me and gave me the most devilish grin...it was really cute. :)

Saturday, April 08, 2006


We just got back from a day out. Went to visit another SMC to go for a walk, but it was raining and windy so we just stayed at her house and visited. Then we went together to our local SMC meeting.

Eliana was awake pretty much the entire day from about 9:00 am to 2:30pm. She nursed for about 10 minutes and slept until about 3:00. At the SMC meeting, she woke up with a wet diaper and drank a 4 ounce bottle of formula..the ENTIRE thing!! That was around 6:00 pm.

So, here is my dilemma. It is now 8:00 pm..she is dead to the world in her car seat, and likely if left there, will sleep another two hours. If I take her out, she will wake up and possibly go back to sleep, possibly not. If I change her into a nightgown she will definitely wake up and not likely go back to sleep for a while...

What do I do? I am tempted to leave her in the carseat and sleep on the couch for a couple hours...

It is so unfortunate that she drank all that bottle at the meeting. She usually has a great feeding, nurses both sides and then a 3 ounce bottle around this time, 8:00 pm and then we sleep for 5 hours...now I missed out on a couple hours of sleep and I am not entirely certain I can sleep yet as it is still light out...sigh...

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Such a difference...

such a difference one little pill makes in my emotional stability. For the past couple of weeks, I have been getting increasingly depressed and unstable, mostly in the late afternoons and early evenings. Last night was the worst of all, to the point that I honestly didn't think I could handle anything and called a fellow teacher to come over and watch Ellie.

Luckily, yesterday I had the foresight that something was just not right and I made an appointment with my doctor this morning. We determined that it could possibly be due to the Reglan I was taking to help my milk supply.

I decided that since the Reglan really hadn't increased my milk supply very much, it just wasn't worth it. I certainly couldn't handle feeling like I did last night on a regular basis. So, I quit the Reglan.

And, tonight, I feel so wonderful! I am happy, I am awake past 8:00 pm, I have happy feelings toward my daughter instead of the totally emotionless feelings that I have had in the afternoon/evening the past few days. I did have a brief "sad" portion of the evening, but it was over with quickly, and it was NOWHERE near where I was last night.

Since I stopped that medication, I called lactation one last time to see if there were anything else I could do. There is a medication that is not approved in the US (But is approved in Canada..) that I would like to try. However, I am not too sure how I would go about getting a prescription in Canada and my mother is very leery of it because she googled it (yes! my mother has definitely discovered google! LOL) and it may cause your heart to race.. LOL. I say, no depression, let's do it since I have heard great things from women who have taken it...but we will see. Also, I emailed my doctor (on the advice of the lactation consultant) to investigate increasing my Synthroid (thyroid medication) and my Metformin (diabetic medication..I also take it for my PCOS), and possibly finding a replacement for my diuretic or just getting rid of it while breastfeeding. These are my last options. The lactation specialist also reassured me that if they don't work, I have done the best I can and that formula is not bad.

Life is looking SO much better tonight.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Bad mommy

So, I have already earned bad mommy of the year award. Last week after my mom left, I was absolutely determined to build up my milk supply as every thing you read says that if you put the baby on to nurse every time it is hungry, your milk supply WILL increase. So, I became very very stubborn and worked hard at this the entire week. I gave her a bottle of formula (after breastfeeding) only before bed and upon our last awakening in the night (basically when I just can't handle it anymore as we are nearing feeding every 30 minutes-1 hour). I was exhausted. My content little baby became a screaming maniac every time I put her down. And if I wasn't putting her down, I was almost always putting her on to nurse.

I couldn't take it. I didn't know what had happened to this child. Finally, while talking to my mom who couldn't understand why I couldn't do ANYTHING with this previously very content baby, she said "I bet she's hungry."

And so it was. And so it is. And while I have not given up on breastfeeding, I have grudgingly accepted that I must supplement with every feeding. Poor thing, she eats from me for about 20-30 minutes, and then still takes 2-3 ounces of formula...yeah, she was hungry alright.