A Single Woman's Journey To Motherhood


Location: Washington, United States

I began my TTC journey in January 2005. It finally worked with the 5th IUI and along came Eliana! I started trying for a second (T42) a little over a year later, and was thrilled to get pregnant on the second try this time. Jacob soon joined our family! Not sure if I am done at two, but come along for my journey in motherhood. If you stop by, please leave me a short note! I like to know when I have visitors. :)

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Great visits

So, as I told you yesterday, a friend, her husband and two kids came down yesterday for a couple hours. It was so much fun to have company and the kids were really cute. :) The husband BBQed us chicken on the grill and I had some salad and fruit and ice cream and we ate for nearly an hour I think! LOL. The best part of all, Baby received some toys, a book, a diaper bag and a baby bathtub! That was so cool!:)

Today, I met up with an SMC who called me last week. She is not new to trying to conceive, but she is new to the national SMC organization. We met for coffee today and talked and visited for a good 4 hours or so as she is trying to make the tough decision between trying an injectable cycle with her own eggs, or moving straight to donor egg. It was nice to meet her, and nice that she lives relatively closely, compared to many of the other SMCs in our group.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Things to do today

I have a friend (from BC) coming over with her family around dinner time today. I love having company. :)

Here is my last of things yet to be done...if I knew how to do the crossed out lines I would update along the way, but I don't know how. LOL

Sweep all floors.
Mop kitchen floor.
Clean bathroom.
Buy propane (we are having a BBQ...provided I can figure out how to get the BBQ hot enough..I seem to have this problem frequently...)
Buy salad materials.
Make salads.

And, of course, what am I doing? I am fiddling around on the internet...LOL, silly me..

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me!

I already had the best gift I could ever receive, the beautiful little heartbeat of my little one! :)

Still, it is beautifully sunny, supposed to be nice and warm, and I am looking forward to lunch with a colleague (doesn't know it's my birthday, just happened to be the day she had free) and dinner with my aunt/uncle.

I have thought a lot about birthdays this week.

Having a summer birthday really sucked as a child. You never got to celebrate at school like most of the students in your classes. Many of your friends were away during the summer. It is bad enough for your average child, but my family wasn't "normal". My dad lived in a different city from the time I was 10 and so we always went to spend the summers with him. This meant that there were no school birthday parties, and very few home birthday parties (with friends, of course my parents always took me out for dinner) after about age 10. Instead, I sat quite bored in a city where I knew noone.

My thoughts have not really been very pleasant this week as I remembered by 16th birthday where I made stupid choices which my parents found out about on my birthday and I ended up being grounded for 6 months. My mom had come home to throw me a surprise birthday party which I have always been really sad that I missed. Instead, we spent much of the night in the hospital because I had stressed my mother out so badly she thought she was having a heart attack.

I hope that this year with my beautiful birthday present stuck on my fridge, that birthdays become a happy affair once again.

ETA: Oh, and the nausea mentioned last night was fleeting...no more today.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I think it's coming...

the nausea that is. I feel a little like I might throw up...It's not really bad, yet. It could just be that the glass of milk I just had as an evening snack didn't go down well for some reason. I guess we will see...

Monday, July 25, 2005


Originally uploaded by kajohn345.
How exciting!
We saw the sac, the fetal pole, and the heartbeat!
The RE said it was measuring on the smaller end of normal at 3.7mm and that the heart beat was at the lower end of normal at 134 (I think that was the number...I didn't write it down). So, I get to go back next Friday a follow-up.

Saturday, July 23, 2005


I used to have a hard time sleeping. It would take me hours to fall asleep. But then something happened (maybe having to wake up at 5am for work!) and I was falling asleep quicker and quicker, and usually even sleeping right through to my alarm!

No longer. It takes me a little longer these days to fall asleep, but if that was it, I could deal. But no. I am waking up many times at night, sometimes because I have to pee, but mostly just because I am waking up...and I am dreaming all the time which is very bizarre for me too. I suspect it is the combination of all these things that is making me feel like I get up in the morning no better off sleepwise than when I went to bed...

So, in spite of my protests yesterday about not feeling pregnant, maybe this is a pregnancy sign that I can take some comfort in, even if it means no sleep for the next 10 years or so of my life. LOL

Friday, July 22, 2005

Very cautious...

I was just informed that I have not been fulfilling my duties to the blogging world. LOL.

I haven't posted much as I don't have much to say, but at the same time, I have lots going on. That is to say, my life is my normal, quiet, somewhat boring summer life with no obligations. However, it is not a normal summer...it is the summer that I am pregnant.

But am I?

I know, I know. My blood tests were great. My HPTs were clearly positive, I even took another one on Wed night and the test line was dark before the control line even showed up.

But, I feel no symptoms. I am sometimes tired, but I could easily explain that with lack of activity (always makes me tired to do nothing..) And, I do have to pee a lot, but I am a diabetic, and I am home and always drink more when I am home...

I don't have any bleeding, I don't have any cramping (well, I have had a couple sharp pains, but they last less than a second and go away...), I have no nausea, no morning sickness, nothing.

Everyone says count your blessings! it seems that everyone I know was sick from day one...but you know what, it really doesn't help to hear that right now cause I am constantly questioning whether there really is a baby in there at all.

I have kept a journal for my baby for about a year and a half. I haven't written in it very often, I talked about the two babies last summer when I was wondering if they were my babies, and then I left an entry saying that I was going to try and get pregnant before adopting. But, I can't bring myself to write in the journal now..not just yet, not before I know there really is something.

You know, I have followed countless infertility blogs for over a year and as some of you were fortunate enough to get pregnant, I listened as you recounted these same fears. I felt for these women, but I never really understood it until now...

Monday seems an eternity away...

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I'm tempted

I am definitely tempted to do this...I could do it as early as NEXT FRIDAY!

Monday, July 18, 2005

You have not been forgotten...

While it may seem that I have forgotten you, my dear reader, I have not. I have been enjoying finally having my summer. Very few things on the "must do" list, no 5 am waking times, no classes to study for, just sheer relaxation. I got my dentist appointment on Saturday morning taken care of, and my car tuned up this morning, and not one appointment until next Monday, and that one is one I can hardly wait for, my first ultrasound!

I really want to get the rooms (nursery and craft room mostly) unpacked and cleaned up sometime soon, but you wouldn't know it since I haven't done a thing about it. I have a bunch of quilts that I want to make, and I know that it is unlikely I will be doing much quilting after the baby is here....so I guess I had better get my butt in gear. :)

I still tend to have very few symptoms. A lot of fatigue and I am so glad that it is summer and I can nap whenever I feel like it. :) I have a bit of metal mouth on rare occassion now, and I think I had a short bout of nausea this morning...LOL (obviously it wasn't too bad...)

I am starting to accept that I may be pregnant, even told the dentist on Saturday when she said next appointment they would wanted to take x-rays, but I think seeing something on the ultrasound a week from today will really help make it real.

My dad's birthday is on Wed. I feel awful because I haven't gotten him anything, I just don't know what to get him. I do have the card though, so maybe I should just send that off so he at least gets that within a week of his birthday. LOL. Anyway, if you have any good dad birthday gifts, let me know.

Well, I think it is time for my late afternoon nap. Have a great day!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Ultrasound scheduled!

I had to call the clinic again this time to get my results. Thankfully, I did, since my doctor's nurse is out AGAIN.

Anyway, the nurse called back and my beta yesterday (3 days after the first) was 948. She said the number looked great and to schedule a 7 week ultrasound. She said that would be the 29th but that anytime that week or the next would do, and since I was hoping to get away to go visit Debbie in LA, I decided the earlier the better (OK, it wasn't all about her...it was probably mostly just about my impatience LOL). Anyway, so when I called the clinic, I said I would prefer the Monday or the Tuesday, and I got Monday the 25th! Woohoo! I should be 6w3d at that point and hopefully we will see the heartbeat!:)

So excited, it is starting to feel real!:)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

More than doubling...

So, I got my GH (HMO) beta number back before 8 am, they are so prompt it is lovely. It was 644 which means that my beta doubled in about 1.6 days, so that is excellent. At first, I was a bit worried, thinking it was doubling too quickly, but everyone has reassured me that it is doubling and that is all that matters. :)

I had considered just moving to my HMO now for everything and stopping the fertility clinic (like for my 2/3 beta), but have since changed mind, why, I will describe below.

When, I got home from class, I received a phone call (almost immediately when I walked in the door) from my PCP (primary care physician). She wanted to make sure I had received the results (I had actually jumped on the computer in an empty classroom at break to get my results;) and congratulated me. She asked where I was thinking of going for an OB and I asked her where the OBs in my town deliver. I had no idea there was a hospital here. LOL. So, I decided it would be easiest to deliver right here in town rather than having to head into Seattle, and depending of time of day, fight traffic. Plus, I had been worried about how I would get to the hospital if I was alone and the contractions progressed quickly. I had figured my aunt would take me, but it would take her 30-45 minutes to get here, and then another 45 minutes- an hour to get to the hospital in Seattle. Delivering here right in my city is appealing, I can take a cab, if absolutely necessary. :)

Anyway, so she gave me the number to call the headquarters to talk about out of network coverage since there are no OBs at the HMO clinic here in my city, but there are some who are connected and accept my insurance. I called and there was no problem she said, as long as I paid my usual copay. Then, I called the OB office to set up my appointments. I realized one bad thing about going this way is that they are not on the email system, which means I have to actually call in for appointments (and be put on hold...), and wait for test results as opposed to receive them as soon as they are sent online...Oh well, I think, as I mentioned above, it is still better to deliver here in town. Anyway, so I finally got a hold of someone and my appointments are Aug 15th with the nurse for a background medical history and then August 29th with the OB.

I am so going to pay the extra to keep going to the fertility clinic until then. When I got my blood drawn today, I asked the nurse when the ultrasound would be and she said it would depend on my results but probably in a week or so. A week. Not a month and a half! LOL

I still have no to very little pregnancy symptoms. I am extremely tired all the time and just woke up from a 2 hour nap..LOL. I have to finish my project and paper tonight for my class tomorrow, but after my class ends, I can take regular afternoon naps for the rest of the summer! LOL

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Beta #1 is in!

And it was 250! WOOHOO. That is a wonderful number I think for 17dpo. :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

No results today..

So, it is 6 pm and they are long closed, and I never heard from them. I did try calling, but it just rang and rang and rang (this was during office hours).

Early in the day, I thought, maybe I should email my PCP and get a test done there because they are fast and the results go online..but I decided to hold off and wait for these results. Why did I do that??? Anyway, around 5:30 I did email her and she responded in about 10 minutes saying she would order the test for me and I could go in at any time. So, I will do that tomorrow, because she will then refer me to an OB, something that I will need to do eventually, anyway. :)

I would let you know...

I would glad lately you know my beta numbers, if I knew them. As I had suspected (feared), it is 4:00 pm and still no word from the clinic...

Monday, July 11, 2005

It's positive!

It's positive!
Originally uploaded by kajohn345.
This is the progression of my positive HPTs from 12dpo, to 14dpo, to 16dpo.

This morning, 17dpo, I used a digital and got a "pregnant". Went in for beta this afternoon...results tomorrow. :)

Sunday, July 10, 2005


Yes, I am finally home this afternoon. I will try to keep my update as brief as possible, but I have been gone a week...LOL

Sunday my parents picked me up in Calgary and we went shopping before we headed back to their house.

Monday, after testing with a FRER and getting a BFN, I went out to mom's school and helped her pack up all her stuff (she retired this year) all day long. Monday evening, I got to meet Monica and Mikey! We met at Boston Pizza and had a wonderful time getting to know each other, in real life. :) Mikey has the best smiles ever, and he sure keeps Monica on her toes!:)

Tuesday, I headed back out to the school with my mom and helped her once again the entire day. That evening I visited with Liz and her family...I swear the kids grow like wildflowers! LOL.

Wed, I tested again with a FRER and got a faint line, but it was really really faint so I thought, well, maybe I had waited too long and it was an evap line or something. Then, I headed out to school, AGAIN. We had lunch at Liz's parents' place. I hadn't seen them in years. Don't remember what I did Wed night, I know that I was moving all these heavy boxes around all week for my mom, and by Wed I was getting worried...what if I really was pregnant and hurting the pregnancy...

Thurs, out to school once again, back into town to meet with some other relatives for supper.

Fri, I tested again with a FRER (I brought a pack of 3) and got a darker, but still faint line. I convinced myself I was pregnant. Then, we headed out bright and early to pick up my grandma and then head off to Regina. Once there, we met up with my uncle and went to his restaurant for supper. He had to leave for the wedding rehearsal and we went to see War of the Worlds. I knew mom wouldn't like it but she thought she would...LOL. I was tense throughout the movie and kept worrying once again that I might hurt the pregnancy..

Saturday was the wedding. None of us (mom, dad, grandma nor I) had brought our wedding invitations. I thought it started at 3, grandma said 3:30. Dad wanted to get there early, and we arrived at 2:30. We were horrified to see a wedding in progress, thinking we had missed it. Thankfully, it was not them and we drove around for about 40 minutes before coming back. The wedding was nice. We headed out for dinner (BPs again LOL), and then off to the dance. Not drinking there was a bit awkward at first, and I was shocked that mom didn't get my eye contact when she was trying to pour me glass of wine for toasts. My uncle's band played about 5 songs. They were pretty good. He gave me his new CD and I like the Canada Day song best (everybody say eh!). We finally headed back to the hotel around 12:30.

I tried to sleep...but knowing that I had to wake up in 4 and a half hours, plus the intense nausea I had (I blame it more on being exhausted than anything else), I never really slept. Sunday morning (today) I caught my plane and came home. I tested with two more HPTs, one is a Fact Plus and the other just an internet cheapie, and there are still faint lines there. Actually, the Fact plus isn't as dark as I may like, but it is definitely darker than any of the others have been. Keeping in mind this wasn't FMU, I think I can safely believe myself to be pregnant. Going to try to get in for a beta tomorrow, but I have class from 7-3:30 and don't know when I will get a chance to call and see if I can come in...

Friday, July 01, 2005

A good day

I need to send out a quick post thanking all of you who have emailed me your support. It is so very much appreciated!:)

I have had a great day today. I got up and tried a new place for breakfast. I have decided to go out for breakfast once a week during the summer. Gives me a chance to get out of the house and try out different restaurants to suggest when my parents come to visit. :)

After breakfast, I came home for a little while and sat on the deck and read for a bit. Reading gave me a great idea, to go to the library. So off I headed to the main public library and signed up. There was another patron with the same exact name as me (this has happened with my driver's license, getting a loan for my house, even at the dentists office!) and of course, she had fines. Luckily, they believed me that I was not her and they signed me up for a new account. I found a book, sat down and read the preface and the first chapter. These two little girls (about 3 and 5) sat down a couple seats away from me. They were so adorable and quite distracting for me..LOL.

I picked up a schedule of outdoor music that is played in my city that I had no idea about. I plan to attend some of these concerts..they look fun.

I relaxed and watched a couple soaps and then swept and mopped the floors (well, I didn't mop the hardwood floors...I only swept them...I have no idea what you are supposed to do them? they don't really seem dirty other than a quick sweep...) Silly me, dumped out the water before mopping the bathroom so I haven't gotten around to that...

Anyway, it has felt like a rather productive day. Usually on Canada Day I have a beer or two (Canadian of course) while I watch the CBC folderol, but being in the middle of my two week wait, with a possible implantation dip today?, I just can't bring myself to do it.