A Single Woman's Journey To Motherhood


Location: Washington, United States

I began my TTC journey in January 2005. It finally worked with the 5th IUI and along came Eliana! I started trying for a second (T42) a little over a year later, and was thrilled to get pregnant on the second try this time. Jacob soon joined our family! Not sure if I am done at two, but come along for my journey in motherhood. If you stop by, please leave me a short note! I like to know when I have visitors. :)

Monday, November 29, 2004

First diabetic school day...

So today was the first day that I spent at school with my monitor and everything. I was able to do my after breakfast poke since I eat at 5:30 and that would make the poke due at 7:30. (I have first period plan). It was quite high again. I really think some of my other medications affect this number cause when I am at home and can separate the pills, my numbers are better....just a thought.

Anyway, so then, I instinctively grabbed a granola bar and forgot about the yoghurt the nurse and I had talked about...bad idea. I then taught two periods and did my next before lunch poke at 10:40 (this is when my lunch begins)...I couldn't get it, I had to poke myself 5 times again, and I had kids standing there trying to get me to help them with things, and I was hungry, and my number was too high...it was a nightmare.

So, I did not check after lunch. I had had too much trauma with this last one and besides, it is IMPOSSIBLE to find time unless I am going to do it in front of a room full of kids...not a bright idea for them to know that there are needles lying around. (not so worried about those lunch kids..those are the great kids who come in at lunch to do anything and everything they can for extra credit to keep their grade over 100%).

After school, I rushed up to the cafeteria where I had to supervise poster painting for homecoming for two hours. I had made the kids some cookies and tried one myself. Bad idea. BUT, I suppose something good came out of it. I FELT weird after eating it. So, I just stuck to my whole wheat bagel and pistachios. (carbs and protein...aren't I good?) ;)

I didn't test again until AFTER supper tonight. I was so bad today with testing....but my fingers, and my wallet, can't afford all this poking in a day.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Thanksgiving (a little late)

So, yesterday was thanksgiving here in the US.

I spent the day at my aunt and uncle's house with my cousin and then some other more distant cousins too... Amy, one of those distant cousins, brought along her friend's little 3 year old boy...he was such a cutie...I couldn't stop looking at him. :)

I did relatively well with the poking yesterday. I always got it right on the second or third try..and my numbers were surprisingly good. I think it may have something to do with taking my Metformin without the other pills I usually take. I had brought along my Metformin only since they were the only pills that had to be taken with food. I also watched what I chose of course, but I did have a little of most things, even cake (I don't like pumpkin pie), and my numbers were all within the range that they were supposed to be yesterday...amazing!

I couldn't help but think that next year for Thanksgiving I hope to be either pregnant or, if I was super lucky on the first two tries of IUIs, have my little one with me! It was so surreal to think about...

Today, I got up and headed out to JoAnn's to buy some yarn since I had a 20% off your total order coupon...it was craziness in there, but I did manage to pick up the yarn I need to make an afghan FOR ME. It was funny, the other day I was talking to someone (don't remember who) about all my knitting and they asked what I had knitted for myself, and I realized I have made two afghans for people, three scarves for people, two baby blankets for what ever babies arrive next, but nothing for me! So, I bought the yarn to make an afghan, very simple one not as fancy as those I have made for others, for my living room and yarn to make a sweater for me...I am kinda leary about making the sweater since I have never knit clothes before...should be interesting. Also, my afghan requires me to change colours frequently, and I can't find anywhere in ALL my books, on how to do that..............

Anyway, you will note that what I have not done since Monday, is anything related to my grad school work...which means that I have about 3 late assignments to get in today, and then to get cracking all the other assignments...so I am off! Have a great day after Thanksgiving! (and I will catch up with all your blogs sometime this weekend)

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


I had my appointment with the diabetes education nurse this morning. I was there about 2 hours...mostly just talking about diabetes, food choices, foot care, etc. We practiced with the monitor once. I did fine there...but not since I have gotten home. :( I have to monitor at least five times a day...and it hurts despite whatever anyone tells you. Yuck. Anyway, so after that I came home for an hour and a half and had lunch. Around 2 I tried to test myself on my own at home (I am supposed to check two hours after meals), and tried three times and kept getting errors. I didn't have time to keep trying so I threw the monitor in my purse and started the long drive through traffic to the fertility clinic.

I made it with about 10 minutes to spare so tried two more times and FINALLY got it to work. This was now about 3 hours after eating and my score was 139..not too good since my target is under 140 2hours after a meal, and we can only assume at 2 hours it was higher.....
Anyway, So, went to my fertility appointment and we just talked about the blood tests that had come in (a couple still aren't in), and then our plan of action. I have a little list of things to do and as long as they are finished, we plan to do the first insemination in January! Of course, my little list will take quite a while:
- see a perinatalogist (sp?) to further investigate possible clotting issues
- order sperm anytime in December
- get the rest of my blood test results
- monitor blood glucose religiously
- exercise in December

Yes, she actually wrote exercise on my list...so now I HAVE to get my butt in gear....I am thinking about joining 24 hour fitness as they are the only gym near me that has a pool (I think I would like to take an aquacise class). BUT I am super embarrased and scared to go....

Anyway, after that appointment I headed back to my aunt's as it was my cousin's birthday and we went to this Indian restaurant in Edmonds. It was nice and I think I made a good food choice with a chicken salad. I tried to test my blood before dinner, but after three tries and no luck, I gave up. After dinner, we came back and had birthday cake and visited. After 1 failed attempt, I did actually get my blood taken 2 hours after dinner...awful. It was 173....how depressing. I mean, yes, I had a piece of cake, but a reasonable piece of cake, not like a huge piece by anyone's standards....:(

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

I failed. :(

I failed the Glucose Tolerance Test. :(

Got the call from the nurse today and now I have a whole slew of other appointments to go to...I have to take next Wednesday off to learn how to test my blood. It's a 2 hour training with the nurse and we couldn't agree on any other day before Christmas (either she had commitments or I did) so I have to take the day off. That sucks since I have been trying to load up on sick days for pregnancy and/or when Baby comes. I was pleased that I had been able to get my follow-up fertility appointment for 3:30 on that day (the same day) so that I didn't have to take the day off. :( The nurse also told me that once I am pregnant, I will likely have to switch from the Metformin which I have been on for PCOS/Insulin Resistance but is a diabetic medication, to insulin injections. Lovely. I also had to make an appointment with the nutritionist...it's in January?! I think Group Health needs more nutritionists if it takes that long to get in...

Anyway, while talking to the nurse, it appears that many of the blood tests I needed, and the phlebotomist told me had done, did not get done. She is checking on this for me, but it doesn't look promising. How annoying.

It seems that things are no longer going smoothly. hahah. Thanks for listening to my rant.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Apparently I'm sane..

So, I had my psych consult today. She asked many questions about my plans: when did I decide to pursue single motherhood, how will I cope, what support systems do I have in place, what about day care, how long will I take off work after birth, what am I looking for in a donor, how well I tell my child. All very basic stuff and apparently I convinced her that I am fit to be a mom! Woohoo! :)

As we were talking, one time she said "your daughter" and then goes, oops, I mean your child. It was so unreal to hear someone say your daughter, (or your son for that matter), it sounds so much more real than your child or your baby.

I also got the rest of my blood tests taken so now I just have to hope they all get in on time. I set up my follow-up appointment for next Wednesday. Somehow I have to do some sweet talking tomorrow since I was supposed to be surpervising poster painting for Homecoming week that day...

Everything is moving along so quickly...it is so exciting!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

20 VIALS...

Holy cow. What a LONG morning. I am so happy to be home and fed. I went in this morning for the majority of my blood tests. They weren't in the computer as my doctor had told me last night that they would be, so I caused a huge backlog at the lab. But the phlebotomist was very kind and patient and just took my sheet from the fertility clinic with the list of blood tests and typed them in himself.

Anyway, so he is doing this and comes back like two to three times, asking me, you know you are going to be here for 2 hours right?, you have been fasting right?, etc...The last question was whether I had my signed consent for an HIV test. I didn't, neither doctor had mentioned this. So he wasn't able to do that one. Of course, that is a simple test, and if I could remember which doctor I had back in Montreal, I could probably even not take it as I have had the test before...oh well.

There is still one test that Group Health can't do and I am going to call the clinic Monday morning to see if I can get it done there when I come in Monday afternoon for my psych consult, and one more that can be done at Group Health but requires a cortisol IV, and blood taken every 30 minutes for about 3 hours...yuck. So, I guess I am going to have to take another day off to get that one done.

In the end, today, they took 20 vials/tubes/whatever you call them....I was about to crazy. The glucose tolerance test wasn't bad at all. I have been told from others that you take some awful orange liquid. They only had one flavor at Group Health, cola, and it tasted just like a Coke or Pepsi or something...I did have a bad headache for about an hour, though that could be a number of things, mainly I suspect lack of food and caffeine withdrawal. haaha.

In the end, Group Health did NOT cover my blood tests, my doctor there had said she thought they would cover my STD tests, so I am hoping for that, but she gave me the costs for the others, and they equal about 650...yuck.

Anyway, things are moving along nicely here. I may get to try one cycle before Christmas...that would be exciting, it would make the 2ww go by very quickly as I would have other things/people to keep my mind off of it! :)

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Why I blog...

I was thinking about it today. Why do I blog? I mean, when I was younger I kept a journal. I used to enjoy writing in my journal all the secrets of myself and my friends. "I think I like XYZ, he is so cute, but today he blah blah..." I even thought about how cool it would be to read my journal years later...

Until one day, my parents read my journal. It was a nightmare...trust was broken between my parents and I...both ways, never to be truly repaired. I still to this day, withhold so much from them, sometimes consciously, sometimes not. I am afraid to share everything with them about how I feel or what is really going in my life, or my plans...This is now 15 years later, and still, I have not been able to overcome the complete and utter loss of trust...I have yearned for the wonderful parent-child relationship that I see in so many of my friends relationships with their parents...

In light of this, I continue to find it odd that I feel so comfortable sharing my life with you dear reader here on my blog. I knowingly share with you the deepest longings of my soul...to have a child...and my greatest fears...of conception not working and then never being chosen by a birthmother...

Today, as I am procrastinating yet more papers, I started thinking about this again. It finally occured to me why it is that I blog. I blog because I need to share with someone. I have great friends around the globe, but none that live here where we could sip coffee and share our lives as we once did... The friends I have that live on this continent where I can call them easily have their own busy lives with children and husbands, things that I have dreamed of my entire life but have never found, and thus do not really have time for the deep soul connections that we once had. Friends who mean well, but are so busy in their lives these days, they don't really have time to stop and listen.

But that dear reader, is what you have become to me. I don't know really know who most of you are, I really don't even know why you choose to read my blog over and over, but I want you to know it is appreciated. And I thank you with all my heart for your support.

Grocery run to Canada...

It is getting to be that time again...

I used 1/2 of my last package of Quaker Oatmeal Muffin Mix today for yummmmmmy muffins, and I am done to 1/2 of my last jar of Kraft Peanut Butter...

I must make a grocery run to Canada soon...

Any research writers out there today?

Seriously, if I knew someone to pay to write my action research paper for my professional certification (which I absolutely loathe...and am once again reconsidering not doing and just finding some other profession, or moving out of the States to avoid when my five year certificate is up...), I would pay a handsome fee.

My action research paper is to be about homework completion and how to entice students to do their homework. The two things I tried were: sticker incentives for homework completion, and get out of quiz free if ALL homework and corrections were completely for the two weeks prior to quiz.

Any takers?

I am also working on my Comprehensive Learning Instruction Plan today. It must be a completely standard referenced unit written using the Understanding by Design model. I could also pay someone for that...I have not told her what it would be on so any unit for Spanish is acceptable.

I have never in my lifetime considered buying a paper, and can't imagine I will again. But seriously, if I knew someone who could do it today, I would pay. I hate the professional certification program. Hate it, loathe it, detest it with every fiber of my being. They have said there is the concern of a teacher shortage...this is a sure fire way to be sure they have one. I know of many teachers who are refusing to do the certification and will lose their license. I know that if I had known about all this crap, I would never have moved to the States.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Strange Loyalties

Right now in my Spanish classes, I am teaching about nationality adjectives. Every year when we do this chapter, I always tell the students I am Canadian.

To me, this is not strange. In my mind, and in my heart, I truly am Canadian. It doesn't matter that I only "technically" became Canadian three years before I left the country. My only childhood memories are in Canada. Sure, I was BORN here in Washington state...but I don't remember living here before I turned 2.

Anyway, it has struck me quite a few times since moving here how strange this all is. I would never have considered myself "patriotic" before. Perhaps when I lived in Africa briefly, but not even then. However, now that I live here in the States, I feel so closely tied and pulled to the Canadian part of me.

Here I am, Wednesday evening, and what am I watching?? "The greatest Canadian..." Growing up in Canada, CBC wasn't even a "channel" in my opinion...there was NEVER anything I wanted to watch on that channel. But now, it is the ONLY Canadian channel I can get, and I must admit to watching some of these documentaries, the National, the jazz festival, juste pour rire, and of course, the Royal Canadian Air Farce. :)

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


So, as you may or may not have noticed from my post this morning, I left in ample time for my appointment..one and a half hours early, and STILL traffic was so bad I only got there 10 minutes before I was supposed to....Totally stressed me out and my blood pressure shot up as was seen in the reading of 140/88...super high for me these days....it has been wonderfully consistent the past two years. Oh well...I am sure it was just the circumstance since I had it taken just a couple weeks ago and it was fine.

Anyway, I walked into the clinic and told the receptionist I was there for a 9:00 appointment and she asks me to take a seat. I think this is a bit odd since the paperwork said I had to bring in some papers to her when I first arrived. So, I went back and told her it was my first appointment and she said something about she thought she recognized me...kinda made me feel more comfortable (even though I know she DIDN'T know me) because then I wasn't so worried that they would turn me away immediately based on my size....Anyway, so then she asked for the consent form to share medical info with your partner, I told her I hadn't signed it since I was single. She asked me then, "so why are you here?" I got a bit nervous again for a second and just told her I wanted to get pregnant and that was that. The visit was off to a rather rocky and stressful start....

But then, I met with the nurse who took my history and she was very pleasant and matter of fact.

I finally got in to see my RE about 10 minutes later. She was SOOO nice. I felt so very relaxed. We discussed my weight and my efforts to be healthier. She said she was happy with what I was doing now but wanted to see me add more exercise into the mix. She also said she really wanted me to focus on only losing 0.5 pounds a week from now on as that is healthiest when you are trying to conceive. We went over my history in very great detail and she decided she wanted to run some tests to check for Cushings disease...I will have to research this one, haven't heard of it. Apparently some women are misdiagnosed with PCOS when really it is Cushings. She also wanted to check to see if I had a genetic predisposition to blood clots or if my pulmonary embolists way back when were just due to the broken ankle and consequent immobility.

We discussed where I was thinking of purchasing my sperm. I almost giggled...throughout this whole process I have read about sperm, I have probably even typed it in various messages, but hearing it just seemed so weird hahahah. Anyway, I was happy when she said that they wash the sperm there so I can buy ICI sperm (unwashed sperm...) which is quite a bit cheaper. Since they recently moved and separated from the University of Washington into their own private clinic, they are still in the final stages of setting everything up and should be ready to accept sperm December 1st. She told me to do my research now and choose my top three donors in case one was unavailable when I needed it. I can order 3 vials and have them sent to the clinic (they will store for a small fee...) anytime after Dec. 1.

This clinic requires a psychological consultation for anyone using donor sperm so I have my appointment next Monday afternoon (I will be late to my last ESL methods class....oh what a shame hahaha). She also ordered a SLEW of prenatal blood tests, about 15 or so in all, which I am going to see if I can get any done at Group Health. If not, I will have to go back in to get them done, and bring a good book or some knitting as I have to take the 2 hour glucose tolerance test...

Once I have my blood tests done, and my psychological consult, I make another appointment with her (she guessed about 2 weeks or so) and we begin with Clomid! woohoo!! Of course, I doubt it will work in December anyway since I am going home...but January is not that far away!:)

Sorry for the incredibly long post...I left there with such an incredibly hopeful feeling. I needed to share with someone!:)

Edited to add: Just got an email back from my primary care physician at Group Health. Most tests can be done there and she needs to ask the lab director about a couple others because she is unsure...woohoo! That is 600 dollars of testing that I can get covered!:)


OK. So it is 7:30, the drive into Seattle should be about 45 minutes....I can't wait any longer...I am leaving. :) Will tell you all about the appointment when I get back!:)

Saturday, November 06, 2004


OK. So I am going posting crazy today it appears...Anyway, I just checked my school email. I have tried something different this year and I send an email out to all the parents once a week. Well, this has been a pretty positive thing for the most part and I have had some great relationships forming with some of the parents. One mother in particular loves to reply to each of my emails with some long reply about her son, or about her being Italian, or what have you. Anyway, today she just sent me this link. It's cute...you should try it.:


France retaliates in Cote d'Ivoire

I just caught the tail end of this story on the American news. You know, the whole one sentence the American news has to say about anything not happening in the U.S. or Iraq? haha

Anyway, I immediately went to CBC to get more of the story. I can't believe that fighting has continued since last year as I haven't heard one word of it on our news until today. It is so sad...I will always hold this country and its people close to my heart as I loved my days there and have looked forward to one day visiting again. What was even more sad was that the French are attacking near a town I visited, Bouake, where I found the people to be very warm and friendly. :(

In a funk...

So, you would think that I would be all giddy with excitement over my upcoming first appointment with the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) on Tuesday. Well, I am quite excited about it actually, I had strange dreams last night, three of them actually, and all about either pregnancy, TTC (trying to conceive) or Baby.

But, I am really in an icky funk that I can't get out of today. I have so many things I SHOULD do. I have at least 4 assignments (short) that need to be done by midnight. I haven't even logged onto Blackboard at all to read the discussions for my classes. I have 130 quizzes to grade. I need to make sub plans for Tuesday. I would love to have my house unpacked one day. I must must MUST finish everything for my professional certification by NEXT MONDAY or I have to start the whole painful disgusting process over again. I could practice/play/learn a new song on the piano....

But instead, I have sat inside doing very little. My cousin came over to use the computer this morning as theirs was broken so I did actually get one of my readings done for this week while he was here, but that is it.

I really need to make some friends near my age in this country, ideally in the area. Just to get out and go for coffee, or go bowling or something, other than sit here all day...blech. I hate when I get like this...

Friday, November 05, 2004

Marry an American

The SMC (single mothers by choice) board has gotten really nasty since the election...I am staying away for a while. But, before I left someone posted this link and I thought it was was too funny. :) LOL You have to check it out!;)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

The best family ever!

I just have to take a minute to brag that I have the best family ever. On Sunday, my uncle and cousin came to my classroom to remove the huge moon wallpaper mural on my wall. I never specifically asked them to do it, I just mentioned in passing a while back how weird it was to be learning Spanish on the moon...

But that is not all. When I came home from school Sunday, my garage door opener (which my uncle had probably spent about 3 hours working on over the year I have been here...), finally died. It was inevitable...it never worked quite right, but it truly went out with a bang. For weeks now I have thought I smelled smoke in the garage and couldn't figure it out. I convinced myself it was the chimney smoke from my neighbours. It finally proved me wrong Sunday afternoon when my garage door opener was smoking so bad I was frantic that the smoke alarm was going to go off and/or my entire house was going to burn down. I unplugged it and in about 20 minutes the smoke stopped...but the garage door died.

So, of course, I emailed my uncle. I wanted to know who/where to get a new one and he offered to come take a look at it. He came by Tuesday, checked it out, and figured he might be able to do it. So today, he bought me a new one (don't worry, I paid for it...he always tells me he enjoys spending my money) and this afternoon/evening he and my cousin spent about 4 hours installing the new garage door opener...I am truly blessed. :)