A Single Woman's Journey To Motherhood


Location: Washington, United States

I began my TTC journey in January 2005. It finally worked with the 5th IUI and along came Eliana! I started trying for a second (T42) a little over a year later, and was thrilled to get pregnant on the second try this time. Jacob soon joined our family! Not sure if I am done at two, but come along for my journey in motherhood. If you stop by, please leave me a short note! I like to know when I have visitors. :)

Thursday, July 29, 2004


Oh the joys of dieting. Haha. I am much happier now that I have switched to WW. I can eat my beloved carbs once again. I think coming from SB though I am more conscious of my carbs, which probably isn't that bad. I have not had one really really bad day yet on WW, but I did start out much stricter than I have been this week...hopefully I will get back on track. I do really well during the day (except for when they have great pastries at my class on T/Th mornings...), but nights are what have been killing me. I have to get control over this...I do NOT need a snack at night ahhaha. It is silly, because I never used to snack at night...then the past year or so, I got really attached to a piece of toast or a bowl of cereal at night. And now, I am trying so hard to avoid those foods at night, that I fill up on other things...like popcorn or SF cookies...ridiculous! ahahha

Anyway, I have been working hard at exercising 3 times a week too. That actually, quite surprisingly, has been going much better...I actually meet that goal and then some, but my exercises some times are only like 15 minutes, hey, it's a start! I bought a ton of exercise tapes too and received my first order yesterday, I couldn't wait to do it even though I had already done my own little exercises that morning. I did the Walk Away The Pounds tape that everyone on WW seems to rave about, the 1 mile since I was sure I wouldn't be able to do the 2 mile yet. Well, the one mile tape was a TON easier than my own invented exercise program ahahha. So, tomorrow I am going to try the 2 mile. I only hope I can keep it up once school starts...that is always a big concern.

In other news, I am now 30. Enough said.

On the TTC front, I finally received my information packet from ARC. They provide packages for assisted reproductive technologies. I had thought it was such a good deal before, but now I am wavering, just too darn expensive. Anyway, the plan I was thinking about was you pay X amount of dollars (looks like about 25000) for 3 cycles of IVF and 3 cycles of FET (if you had any frozen embryos to transfer!) and if after the end of those 6 cycles you were not successful, you get all but 8000 back to go towards adoption. Of course, if you get pregnant first try, you still pay all that money...but I don't think I would. Anyway, it is still a possibility at the moment. I haven't completely ruled it out. I read the FAQ and all documents very carefully, there was no mention of minimum BMI or preceding conditions (like PCOS) excluding you, but the $$$ is individual, so maybe mine would be more expensive...

I also received a lot of adoption related stuff this week. I had ordered a subscription to Adoptive Families magazine back when I hadn't really considered TTC, and the first issue arrived. I also received a package from an adoption agency I had requested info from AGAIN (weird since I had to ask three times to get my original package), offering 500 dollars off the fee if you sign up in August. And it was time for WACAP to update their latest adoption news, which I was quite interested in.

Anyway, that is what is going over here in my head tonight. Oh, yeah, and the fact that I can not seem to get caught up in school work, I am writing papers down to the last minute again like back in myh undergrad...what is happening to me?! Hopefully I will catch up this weekend and make some strides since we are nearing the end of the term.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004


I am so happy to report that today marks one month of no smoking. None. Zip. Not one puff. I can't say that I don't think of a cigarette sometimes when I am frustrated with trying to find a topic for a paper due the next day, but my cravings are just about gone for the most part. :) Hurray for me!

Dieting has not been as successful. I just could not make it with the South Beach. I was constantly thinking about food. You know how it works, as soon as you are not allowed something, that is all that you want? I just couldn't do it.

All is not lost however. I haven't given up. I just tried a different approach. I have switched to Weight Watchers and even paid for an online membership. I know many people have had success with WW so here is to hoping it works for me..:)

Went to the horse races with my aunt on Sunday. I really should have been betting as she always like to pick horses to win (usually without betting). I kept choosing based on names, and everytime except once I would have won! In fact, I think each time I chose a winning horse it won except for the one time I it placed! Oh well, I am just not adventurous with the money I don't have. ;)

Anyway, I told her about my thoughts on TTC and she was so thrilled. I was surprised...I expected people of her generation (like my parents) would disapprove a single woman getting pregnant....but...she is very supportive and looking forward to it.

So now I have more and more books piling up to read. The latest is Conceptions and Misconceptions about ART (assisted reproductive technology)...quite interesting.

I am so happy that there are only 3 more days of my ESL classes. I am really enjoying the class this week, but the schedule is just like I am back at work...and it is supposed to be summer! Once the class is over, I will probably be more faithful at posting again. :)

Bye for now!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

What to do?

I know you are dying to know what has happened to me since my last installment. How dare I not post for four whole days?! Hahaha.

Well, Saturday was D-day. I started that dreaded "d" word. Everything was fine and dandy at breakfast. Forced myself to eat/drink some less than tasty things like mushrooms in my breakfast cups and a can of icky vegetable juice (well, I was only able to force down about 1/3 of it). Made it through my snack of a mozzarella stick (ick..cheese by itself is icky), and my lunch of salad with sliced turkey breast and a balasmic vinaigrette (sp?). I would have finally enjoyed that meal if it wasn't for the vinaigrette. Then I had my snack of celery and Vache qui rit. All was well. Then at 3:00, I had the worst cravings ever, I felt like I was climbing the walls, I was hungry, I was unhappy, life was hard!!!! But, I made it through some how and lived the whole weekend with only one "cheat" and that was a spoonful of "illegal" peanut butter. It would have been legal if it were sugar free, but then it wouldn't have helped with my sugar cravings. :)

Then came Monday. This week and next are busy busy as I am taking two one-week long courses on top of my four grad courses. I had decided I would head to Subway and get one of their salads for lunch on Monday, would have been legal and I would stick on track. However, Carol had coupons for this sandwich like thing at Jack in the Box and invited me, so off we went. It was NUMMY. Then when I got home, I ate what was listed on the menu for supper. BUT, I had a research proposal to write which took me FOREVER and it was awful, and it was down to have some crackers or anything with carbs or sugar or have a smoke. I chose some graham crackers.

Today, I decided to try the turkey bacon with my eggs for breakfast. I was a little tired of the breakfast cups. Let me advise you now, never try the turkey bacon, it was absolutely disgusting. I had the tiniest bite and couldn't eat any more. I am also getting really tired of eggs for breakfast...I am going to go insane soon. Lunch I had a gyro which was likely not too great for the diet, but it was absolutely tasty. :)

So, four days in and I feel like I have already failed. I have not lost one pound despite drinking copious amounts of water and eating no carbs except at lunch. I don't enjoy most of the foods I am supposed to eat, I am so tired of eggs for breakfast and chicken breast (there are only so many ways to prepare chicken breast with no carbs/no sugars and low fat things and no accompaniments)at supper...argh!!!

I really want to lose weight as I think it will make it easier for me to try to conceive (TTC), which, by the way, I am getting really excited about. I have received info on clinics around here and prices and I really want to try next year. I don't want to have to go to the desperate means of surgery (either the Lap-band or bypass), but I don't what to do at this point.............

Friday, July 09, 2004

Can't concentrate!!


I looked forward to my Teaching with Technology class. I thought it sounded interesting and worthwhile. Plus, I had this professor for Ed Psych first quarter at SPU. BUT, I just can't get through the readings. It is so dull. I have to make 5 posts this week on our readings and everytime I sit down to start, I read for like 5 minutes, not really catching everything it says, not really sure I want to, and my mind starts wandering...



OK. The ugly truth: I am going on a diet.

It is so funny. I have no idea why I am so scared to talk to anyone about going on a diet. It is like I am embarrassed for people to know that I am dieting, but come on, I mean, it is OBVIOUS that I NEED a diet. But it feels like telling anyone is like betraying myself for some reason. I have worked hard to be happy and comfortable with who I am. It isn't easy.

So, anyway, I have made the decision.

I am getting ready to start the South Beach diet either this weekend or sometime in the next week. I have a lot to lose. A LOT. Ideally, something like 150 pounds, but I would be happy with 100. In fact, I am trying to convince myself that I will be happy with whatever I lose, but that isn't working.

Anyway, my biggest concern is: What do you eat on South Beach Diet for breakfast? I honestly do not have time to cook breakfast most weekdays. I am used to having a bowl of cereal every morning which is quick and filling for me. I am scared to imagine a world without bread...I have been working on cleaning out my fridge/freezer of all "illegal" foods for the SB diet, but every time I just think, I can't imagine life without bread products. My favourite foods are bread or have bread products (like souvlaki).

Also, I am not a big veggie fan and those that I like are illegal for at least the first two weeks: fresh carrots and fresh peas, and corn are all my favourites.

Am I going to get through this? Am I the only one who has such much doubt and fear going into this?

If anything good comes out of this, I will let you know. In the meantime, I have to get comfortable with being on a diet. I hope I can do this...

Broccoli Salad

OK. Apparently you too want to become obsessed with broccoli salad. Haha. Good luck!;)

Broccoli Salad

Mix together:
1 cup Miracle Whip/mayo
1/3 cup sugar
2 Tablespoons vinegar

3 cups broccoli cut up small (I actually use probably more like 4 cups)
1 cup chopped white onion
1 cup unsalted sunflower seeds

Mix together and refrigerate for 3 hours or overnight.


If you are anything like me, you will make this for company, it will be all gone at the end of the night, and you need to make yourself another batch once they are gone!;)

Oops forgot that if you would like (this is what my aunt does), you may add crumbled bacon on top just before serving. In my opinion, it is just as good without. :)

Wednesday, July 07, 2004


I know that it likely appears that my obsession has subsided...quite on the contrary. I am just so all consumed by "baby" that brief distractions are very welcome!

Today, for instance, was Wednesday. Well, technically it is still Wednesday for another three and a half hours. Anyway, I had great hopes for today: my new glasses were to be in, receive my new sandals that were to be delivered today, do module 2 of my learning with technology (LWT) course, do the readings for module 2 of school curriculum, make initial module 2 postings for said classes, study for my grad research quiz tomorrow, work on my grad research assignment, and relax at the end of a very productive day.

So, want to take a guess at what I did?

Well, they called about my glasses around noon, and I finally got my lazy butt into the shower so I could go to the mall. Once I got there, I decided to also try and buy a new cable for my digital camera since I still can't find mine. So, I went to Radio Shack and told the guy there what I needed, he looked at each box (there were four different cables), and could not find my model of camera. So, he sends me to Kits Cameras, also in the mall. I go there, and the guy insists that they have it back at Radio Shack and walks me down there. He picks up a box and insists that it is the right one, the RS guy asks if he is sure and he says he will take it back to KC and try it out. So, off we go back to KC, he tries it on another Canon camera, not my model but looks kinda like it, and it works, and walks me back down to RS where I buy it. (note: in future, trust the RS guy...it doesn't fit)

Then I go pick up my fancy new glasses at Sears Optical. I put them on and wowza hahaha I can't see very well! Well, that's not entirely true. I can see perfectly when I close one eye and look out the other, but I am not used to being able to see appropriately out of both eyes anymore and my whole walk out of the store, I feel like the ground is moving....weird...They are becoming more normal now, but it is going to take a little while. The jury is also still out on whether I am happy or not with the "transitions" lenses. You know the "right in any light" kind.

Anyway, so finally I head home and it is already 2:00! Who knows that I did this morning, but nothing is done and it is 2:00!! So I am determined to work on school work.

I open up Blackboard and start reading the lecture for LWT. It is so dry and boring and I can't focus. So, I decide to take a "break". I just do a quick search on PCOS and fertility, and come up with a new discussion board I have not found before. I get lost on this board for at least an hour. Then, of course, I need to check for new messages at the Single Mothers by Choice website, and the PCOS support website, and the other trying to conceive board, and ding dong! My shoes arrives (finally) and GASP! it is 5:45 pm!

So, I am really hungry and pull out the bowl of broccoli salad (it is a serious addiction right now...) and munch away and finally decide I need some real food, so I run off to DQ for a hamburger (I needed to see if it was still open you see...I have passed three in the past week that have changed names....tragedy!). After dinner, I have to check my email, and sure enough, there are some new posts at the adoption boards I am interested in. Then I get some emails from the SMC groups, and...well....it is almost 9 now....sigh....

I need some serious help! hahahaha

(and luck on my quiz tomorrow morning at 7:30!)

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Help! I think we are being bombed!

Haha. OK, so that was a little bit dramatic. However, for anyone who didn't grow up in the U.S., you will feel the same way on your first 4th of July in the U.S.

It is absolute craziness here. I honestly have checked out my doors a couple times because I thought something fell or was hit near me. It is THAT LOUD.

In Canada, celebrations are much more organized. The city spends a lot of money in buying fireworks (it's illegal for the average citizen to buy them), and everyone brings out their lawn chair and scouts out the best place to watch them. Wonderful. Civilized.

Here, apparently every house feels it is necessary to outdo the next. I don't have to leave my home, I can watch fireworks all night on the 3rd and the 4th of July. I can HEAR fireworks or firecrackers ALL DAY AND NIGHT from the 2nd to the 4th. I seriously mean all day. I was awoken this morning at 7:30 AM to firecrackers.

I would like to celebrate my independence in peace...did anyone think of that????

Friday, July 02, 2004

Summer lists...

Maybe only fellow teachers understand this, or maybe it is a well-known phenomenon. I don't know.

All I know, is that since I moved into my house in September, I have been making my ever-growing long list of things to accomplish during the summer (meaning when I am not teaching). This includes: unpacking the baby's room, painting baby's room, cleaning up the mounds of papers and boxes and books in the craft room, finally getting out my sewing machine because I can find it in the mounds of boxes, quilting, knitting, reading, and relaxing. (traveling was originally on the list too...that just didn't work out)

Here I am, however, ten days into summer "vacation", and I have yet to be able to cross one of those things off my list. I have taken a bit of time at night to work on a knitting project I started for Ryan BEFORE he left for Paris about 3 years ago, but I have not finished it (only about 25 more rows though!) and I have not finished the baby afghan I was knitting for liz's baby (now two).

I really don't know where the time goes...this morning I woke up at 7:30 (yes, for my schedule that is sleeping in) and thought of all the things I was going to do today: call Ryan in Paris, clean the kitchen and sweep the living room floors, sweep the deck, go grocery shopping and prepare fruit salad and broccoli salad (really good though it sounds yucky) for the BBQ. Of course I did the two things that didn't require work: call Ryan and go shopping. But I have not been able to work up the energy to clean the kitchen (which I promised to Catherine today would be clean...she's kinda picky) or to make the salads. I will likely be up all night as I will have to do SOMETHING before bed!!

Where does the time go? Does this only happen to me?


They say that neighbours are really important when you buy a home. The truth is, I never gave them much thought when I was looking around. I have lived in apartments for about 10 years or so and can't really say I got to know too many of my neighbours, I usually keep to myself.

Well, that has changed. It seems that when you move into a house, or at least a house in the States, neighbours are very much a part of your life.

While I was ironing out the last details of inspections and getting keys and stuff back in September, I think I met at least 8 of my neighbours. They all seemed rather friendly, though the truth is, I haven't heard much from many of them since then.

Except Rosie. Rosie lives next door and it apparently is her duty in life to watch out for me. She has come to my door on at least three occassions making sure that I have her phone number in case I need help with anything. She is frequently outside (doing what I am not always sure) to greet me when I come home. Today, however, I found out another of her secrets. There has been a mysterious person who brings back my garbage cans most weeks on garbage days. One time, I thought it was Rosie's husband and I thanked him when I saw him fiddling around with his motorcycle. He insisted it wasn't him and he didn't know who it was. Today, however, since it is summer vacation and I am not at school on a Friday morning, I sat near my window with the blinds slightly opened and awaited the mysterious person. Who was it? Truth is, I missed them! ahahhaha Maybe it is a ghost! But I did see Rosie out fiddling in the yard shortly after the garbages returned, I am sure it is her!

I also have some kids down the street who love to help me out. They frequently come by and ask if they can mow the lawn, pick weeds, wash my car, sweep the deck. It has really been a godsend since many of these things were forgotten when I was in the midst of work school and school school. On Monday this week, Sidney and her friend (don't know friends name) came by once again. Friend wanted to wash the car and Sidney wanted to mow. Great I thought! I have come pretty comfortable with them and even left them on their own this time. I really appreciate all the help......BUT....this time, I should have paid more attention. I just noticed today that Sidney unplugged the wrong cord to plug in the lawnmower, and everything (including the hamburgers for my BBQ tomorrow) was ruined in my freezer...sigh...I guess it really was too good to be true.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Happy Canada Day!

I have lived here in the U.S. for two years now. When I lived in Canada, I can only think of two times that I ever participated in a very large Canada Day festival, once in Ottawa and once in Montreal. And yet, when I don't live in Canada, I feel so much more patriotic.

I spent the last week or so following the Canadian elections, and now, this evening is devoted to, GASP, watching the CBC. I honestly don't think I ever once watched the CBC when living in Canada, but it is the only Canadian channel I get.

Well, happy Canada day, I'm going to go watch CBC and have a Molson Canadian!:)