Torn...

Since writing my first post, I have discovered a new discussion board. This board is just for single mothers by choice. It is great to hear all of the success stories and to empathize with those still waiting.

However, they have planted a seed of doubt in me. Not about being a single parent, I am still determined to do that. But about pregnancy.

The truth is I have dreamt of being pregnant for as long as I can remember. My mom even recounts that when I was very young, I wanted a baby in my tummy for Christmas. I can't remember a time that I have not longed to feel a baby growing inside of me.

So why didn't I think of it sooner?

I did. Sort of. I considered it and decided against it for two reasons: 1. I thought my parents would be against it (I don't know whether that is true or not) and 2. I thought it was very very expensive.

However, I spent the weekend looking it up on net, and other than embryo adoption it is cheaper than adoption!

So now I am torn. I had my life all planned out with saving and starting the adoption process next summer...but now there is at least a little bit of hope of giving birth! Granted, I likely have fertility issues to deal with, and it would likely be frowned upon at work (I work in a high school), but I don't know anymore.

I am supposed to see the gyno in the fall and I might at least inquire about it. I know that my health insurance does not cover infertility, but then again, they don't cover adoption either!

In other news, I have begun another quarter of grad studies today. I am taking three online classes and one on campus. This is my first on campus course with this university. My class is at 7:30 in the morning, isn't that crazy??? Anyway, I was amazed because our professor brought us breakfast of bagels, cream cheese, jam, sausage, juice and strawberries! Maybe that somewhat makes up for the early classes!

Well, off to do some knitting and relaxing!:)

Joining the world of blogging

Funny that I should find myself doing this. I have always lamented the numerous journal assignments that are required in the study of Education. Somehow, this is different. I feel a purpose in this, or at least I hope there will be.

So, first let's begin with who I am. My name is Katrina. I am 29 (for one more month) and single. Currently, I teach Spanish full time and am studying to work towards my M.Ed. full time as well.
I love to travel, knit, quilt, read, listen to music, but most recently, obsess over adoption.

Yep. That's right, I am hoping to enter that crazy world of single motherhood, by choice. Some people think I am crazy, heck, so do I sometimes!

I only revealed my plans to my mom a couple months ago, haven't even broached the subject with my dad. My friends have heard me talk about it for years, some more than others of course. I was very scared to bring the idea up with my parents as I thought they would frown upon single parenting, but my mother has been rather supportive.

I have been researching adoption for at least 5-7 years. However, I was never "ready". Now, I feel like I am almost ready, need to finish up my Masters degree and save money. Ever since moving into my house, I have considered one of the bedrooms the "baby room" and I have great plans to paint and prepare that room this summer! I have read a ton of books and websites already, and my summer reading list is filled with books on adoption, single parenting, transracial adoption, etc.

While I think I have chosen an agency, I continue to search. I don't even know why, I like the agency here in my state. I am just worried that I won't be chosen by a birthmom (I want to try domestic adoption first to get a newborn). I am an avid reader of the forums at adoption.com and I have joined the single adoptive parent email list.

Well, that was a very long introduction to my life right now. As you can see, all I think about these days seems to be focused on adopting...and it's still a year away! My hope is that posting on here will help me talk through everything and (maybe) stop obsessing!:)