Lunch with a colleague
Today was a non-student day. We had meetings in the morning and the afternoon to work on grades (report cards are due next week...in the middle of homecoming).
I have mentioned before how I am very happy to have my own room this year, and for the most part, even like where it is located, but this means that I rarely venture away from my dungeon So, I have come to enjoy these rare times that I get to meet with other teachers and more specifically the other world languages ladies.
Today, after our morning meetings, three of us decided to go out for lunch. (Jan was waiting for her helper and did not join us). Every time we all go out, it always starts with "let's go to _____ Mexican restaurant" and I remind them I don't like Mexican food, and then we either choose somewhere else or I decide not to join them. Well, today, I really wanted to go out to eat with them since I have not been out to eat with them since our first few days of school in August. So, when they insisted on Mexican, I caved. They also told me that there would be food I would like....they lied.
Anyway, so I ordered a taco salad (I like taco salad...just not Mexican taco salad) and ate my way through it...
Soon after we sit down to eat, Catherine asks us if we watched Oprah the night before. No, we say, and then she tells us about the show which was about adopting girls from China. At first, I thought, great! She is going to adopt! But no...she has a different agenda.
At the end of her story, she says something about "have you thought about adopting a Chinese baby?" I explain to her that yes I have thought about it and at one point that was my plan. I go on to explain that it is no difficult for singles to adopt from China because of the quotas and waiting lists and that I still want to have a child from birth and that trying to conceive is what is really in my heart at the moment.
This doesn't stop her. She continues and tells me about how there are children in these horrible, pathetic situations that need "saving" and that I should think of them...You know, I have read in others' blogs about people saying these things, but I had never until then come across it...I didn't know how to respond, so I ignored her warped view of adoption and explained once again my desire to conceive.
Next she is on a rampage about diseases and special needs children and how you never know what you are going to have when you give birth...at this point I am getting really frustrated, she obviously has on her agenda today to dissuade me, which is not going to work, it only strains our relationship. The majority (75%?) of our lunch was spent going back and forth about adoption. When I explained that I have looked into adoption and accumulated probably about 20 adoption packets at home and have even selected an agency if I am not succesful at TTC, she once again insists that I must go overseas...there are babies in Asia, in Africa, in Russia, etc....What can she not understand about the simple fact that I want a baby from birth??!!
What an absolutely horrific lunch...I should have known better when I was bullied into going for Mexican....
I have mentioned before how I am very happy to have my own room this year, and for the most part, even like where it is located, but this means that I rarely venture away from my dungeon So, I have come to enjoy these rare times that I get to meet with other teachers and more specifically the other world languages ladies.
Today, after our morning meetings, three of us decided to go out for lunch. (Jan was waiting for her helper and did not join us). Every time we all go out, it always starts with "let's go to _____ Mexican restaurant" and I remind them I don't like Mexican food, and then we either choose somewhere else or I decide not to join them. Well, today, I really wanted to go out to eat with them since I have not been out to eat with them since our first few days of school in August. So, when they insisted on Mexican, I caved. They also told me that there would be food I would like....they lied.
Anyway, so I ordered a taco salad (I like taco salad...just not Mexican taco salad) and ate my way through it...
Soon after we sit down to eat, Catherine asks us if we watched Oprah the night before. No, we say, and then she tells us about the show which was about adopting girls from China. At first, I thought, great! She is going to adopt! But no...she has a different agenda.
At the end of her story, she says something about "have you thought about adopting a Chinese baby?" I explain to her that yes I have thought about it and at one point that was my plan. I go on to explain that it is no difficult for singles to adopt from China because of the quotas and waiting lists and that I still want to have a child from birth and that trying to conceive is what is really in my heart at the moment.
This doesn't stop her. She continues and tells me about how there are children in these horrible, pathetic situations that need "saving" and that I should think of them...You know, I have read in others' blogs about people saying these things, but I had never until then come across it...I didn't know how to respond, so I ignored her warped view of adoption and explained once again my desire to conceive.
Next she is on a rampage about diseases and special needs children and how you never know what you are going to have when you give birth...at this point I am getting really frustrated, she obviously has on her agenda today to dissuade me, which is not going to work, it only strains our relationship. The majority (75%?) of our lunch was spent going back and forth about adoption. When I explained that I have looked into adoption and accumulated probably about 20 adoption packets at home and have even selected an agency if I am not succesful at TTC, she once again insists that I must go overseas...there are babies in Asia, in Africa, in Russia, etc....What can she not understand about the simple fact that I want a baby from birth??!!
What an absolutely horrific lunch...I should have known better when I was bullied into going for Mexican....
posted by Katrina | 12/03/2004 07:53:00 PM
8 Comments:
Ugh. How horrible. I'm sorry that you had to sit through that. What business is it of anyone else's whether you adopt or go through the process of having your own child? Or what the nationality of your adopted child is?
Unsolicited 'advice' is usually the worst kind.
I hope you have a better weekend. Have yourself a nice long bath and just relax.
Katrina - I found your blog by doing a web search on people who choose to be a single mother. I am 32, single, a teacher, living in Los Angeles and have decide that I too want to become a single mother. I've begun the search for clinics/sperm donors/etc. so that I can get an idea as to cost etc but am looking for advice of people who have either been through this or who are going through this. Please feel free to email me at minnie061272@hotmail.com because I'd love any advice you are willing to give.
I've read some of your blog and wish you the very best of luck with everything. - Jennifer :)
I'm sorry about your bad lunch with colleague's. Even when you KNOW that you are making to right choice for you it is hard to hear others try to influence you and get you to change your mind or talk you out of it. In a few cases, once with my sister Julie, I actually had to come out and say basically that we each had to live our own lives and make our own decisions and I was making ones to suit me. We all have to live our lives as they suit us not as others think we should. And, it is hard to be put in that position and have to listen to it. Again, I am sorry. Debbie
Thanks for the encouragement. I know I need to develop a thick skin for things like these as they will continue to come up. I guess I expected it from strangers, but not from people who know me and my own desires.
Katrina, being a SMC through adoption I have to tell you that there are still people who think they have a right to judge your choices for you. People seem to think they have more right to bud into our lives then they would a two-parent family making a decision about children. It sucks to put it bluntly.
Sorry you had to listen to this garbage from your collegues and hoping things go well and quickly for you. There are going to be people who disagree with the choices you make but I've found that I've come out much stronger in my personal beliefs and ability to stand up for them through this experience. Not only that but I've also learned to say a nice solid "no" in regards to other things as other people's opinions have taken a back seat. Saying "no" is a tough lesson for a teacher to learn ;).
I am an SMC who gave birth to her son almost one year ago. I also saw the Oprah show. The images of these unwanted girls still haunts me - especially the child in the dying room. Why must nature be so unkind as to give babies to women who don't want them nor can keep them???
I have to admit I sometimes feel guilty about giving birth to my son when there are so many unwanted children in the world. I also don't think that's an abnormal feeling.
If adoption were easier and less expensive, I think I would consider adopting a child. Are there organizations that help middle-class people afford adoptions? Would they even accept an application from a single woman?
I don't think your friend was acting so outrageously. She sounds like she made some good points. I do, however, think that different standards are applied to single people vs. couples. The urge to have a biological child is just as strong in a single woman - and perhaps just as irrational.
Rae (posted anonymously because I couldn't be bothered to fill out the form)
An opinion is like a branding iron -- it's alright to have one, but not to press it into the flesh of others.
Is there a polite way to tell someone "that's really not any of your business and I don't want to pursue the subject"? You seemed pretty firm.
Anyway, you are completely and horribly wrong. Mexican food is delicious!
Katrina, I can completely understand where you are coming from!
I have been having a rough week and had made the comment " That's it! I am never having kids! I don't want any at all I am not going to put up with all the baby stuff!"
This was a desperate cry from a woman who has been ttc for 7 years now and the adoption is slowly crawling to a halt. I have been babysitting and was completely stressed out with the 22month old and 8 month old i have been keeping.
Last night we were watching our local news that features a Waiting Child every wednesday. I said out loud " Oh! He's so cute, Can we adopt him?" to my husband and Elise said VERY sarcasticaly " you said you don't want kids, remember? you said you didn't even want to get pregnant!" I got so angry with her!
I mean afterward I realized she was not trying to hurt me but it did anyway.
Even my own Mother has said things that have just shocked me to the core.
My Father made a big issue with Race and us adopting, I didn't speak to him for a month. Then I asked my mom to talk to him -eventhough they are divorced- and explain that I don't need or want his comments about our decission to adopt or concieve!
Any way I'm rambling.... I just wanted you to know that God is with you and you keep on keeping on! I keep you in my prayers! Write me when you get the chance..
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