Name:
Location: Washington, United States

I began my TTC journey in January 2005. It finally worked with the 5th IUI and along came Eliana! I started trying for a second (T42) a little over a year later, and was thrilled to get pregnant on the second try this time. Jacob soon joined our family! Not sure if I am done at two, but come along for my journey in motherhood. If you stop by, please leave me a short note! I like to know when I have visitors. :)

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Still emotional...

You may recall that earlier this week, I was feeling quite emotional. Looking back at it, I could possibly attribute it to the chemical pregnancy? Who knows...anyway, I am still quite emotional today. Songs on the radio made me cry both going to and coming home from school...Yesterday, I was all happy that there was fertilization, but today I just keep thinking how sad it is that I was briefly pregnant (even though I didn't know it until after it was too late)...

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Katrina,

I must admit I was a bit puzzled as well by your initial joyfulness. I would mostly have been sad at the missed opportunity or the loss of such a tiny life.

I'm very much pro-choice (mostly because I believe women who don't want to be pregnant won't take care of their babies) but I do think all miscarriages or abortions are sad news.

It's one negative offshoot of all the science we now use for pregnancy. Women know much more in advance if they've conceived and miscarried.

I hope you're feeling better and are willing to continue.

Rae

June 11, 2005 7:24 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that your joy was so fleeting.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!

June 11, 2005 7:37 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

Oh wow, why does one always get bad with the good?

I'm happy that you did have implantation, but sad that it didn't work out.

Just remember, everything happens as it does and when it does for some reason, whether the reason is known to you or not.

I'm sure your time will come very soon!

I hope that you're feeling better. I can definitely identify with the emotional rollercoaster feeling.

Hang in there and remember all of us out here pulling for you and wishing you the best.

June 11, 2005 8:44 PM  
Blogger Deb2You2 said...

Katrina - FWIW, from my own personal experiance and what I have read and talk to others, what you are feeling is completely normal. No matter how early the m/c (and whether you actually knew you were preg.), it is a loss. A loss of what could have been and a loss of some of the innocence. For me, this whole process has taught me how fragile and valuable all life is. It is hard and will take some time both physically and emotionally. A mini lecture -- Don't you for yourself or let others (like your dr. or the mean nurse) trivialize or take away from the fact that it was a miscarrage. (period). It doesn't matter that you didn't know until after or that the beta was low. Have I ever mentioned to you the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"? It was written by a Jewish Rabbi after the loss of his son to that rapid aging disease. It talks a lot about laws of nature vs. laws of God. It is only about $10 in paperback and I found it very interesting and comforting after my m/c. From what I know if you, you may like it on a purly intellectual level in general and it may help you grieve your loss. Again, what you are feeling and going through is normal as hard as it is. You know where I am if you need me. Debbie

June 11, 2005 8:49 PM  
Blogger Monica said...

Katrina... I can't imagine going through the emotion rollercoaster that comes with trying to TTC. I would be horribly sad with each round of it all. I'm so sorry for all you are going through and will continue to pray that this will happen soon for you. Hugs.

June 12, 2005 11:19 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

Katrina,

I felt exactly the same way at first...elated that I could actually get pg. Then as the reality of it all set in, I really wanted it to work. Then I was disappointed that it was all short lived. Then there was the loss of the little dream. You may go back and forth with your feelings and that's ok. Or maybe you will just ruminate over this a couple of days and that's it. That's ok too.

In regards to the Clomid, if it's not a viable pregnancy the Clomid won't matter. So, I wouldn't worry about it.

Take time to mourn if you need to and realize that it's ok to mourn.

Cindy

June 12, 2005 1:57 PM  
Blogger Cindy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

June 12, 2005 1:57 PM  
Blogger Katrina said...

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It helps to know that I am not alone..:)

I try to look at the positives, that things seem to be working at least partially, and hope that I see a solid second line with the next cycle. :)

June 12, 2005 4:23 PM  

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