Name:
Location: Washington, United States

I began my TTC journey in January 2005. It finally worked with the 5th IUI and along came Eliana! I started trying for a second (T42) a little over a year later, and was thrilled to get pregnant on the second try this time. Jacob soon joined our family! Not sure if I am done at two, but come along for my journey in motherhood. If you stop by, please leave me a short note! I like to know when I have visitors. :)

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Second thoughts...

I have been so steadfast in my decision to become an SMC...

Until my breakdown.

But yesterday and today, I have really been pining for a relationship...

I don't think I am to the point of quitting TTC...

I don't know.

8 Comments:

Blogger Cindy said...

Katrina,

I totally get where you are from. I feel that way too but feel that at 37, I don't have time to wait for a relationship. In fact there are many SMC's who wait until their 40's to get started. Since you are 30, you certainly have lots of time to pursue becoming an SMC. You could take a break and pursue a relationship and then try it again when you are ready.

Cindy

April 12, 2005 3:08 PM  
Blogger Katrina said...

Cindy, of course that would have to mean that there WAS a relationship to pursue;) LOL. Which there isn't..And then I am left wondering...
If I put off TTC and I don't find anyone, will I regret waiting so long to have a child (and potentially not be able to conceive because of age)?

On the other hand,
If I TTC and am successful, will I continue to be unhappy being single?

Tough questions...I really think TTC is the way to go...but let me tell you, if there was even the HINT of someone in the picture, I would think twice..

April 12, 2005 3:14 PM  
Blogger Monica said...

Katrina - you are about to make a life-altering move here and I think it would be just be wrong if you didn't waver back and forth and look at all the issues involved. I think one thing is adopting is the homestudy process you have to go through... which seems ridiculous and tedious but really its exactly what you're going through now - the digging to find out if this is really where you want your life to go. I can only say that even though I had fears and reservations when going through the process I would not change a single thing today. If the right guy comes along somewhere down the line great... if not I really do feel now that I lead a full and happy life... although there will always be goals and dreams to work towards as well :).

April 12, 2005 3:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Katrina,

Of course you have to make your own decision, but from what I've read, I do think it may benefit you to wait for 3 or so more years until you're 33.

During that time you could drop some weight, finish off your masters and get settled into a house you own or build up a sizeable nest egg. I don't think age is a factor for you as much as your pcos and your weight at this stage of the game. Agewise, I would not suggest you wait until past 35. Perhaps 33 because of your pcos.

I was/am very heavy and have pcos. I did not start ttc until I was 34. I did not want to wait longer because aged eggs and pcos are not a good mix. However, I did start planning at about 32. I managed to drop about 50-60 lbs during those two years which I believe helped quite a bit in conceiving my son.

Rae

April 12, 2005 4:38 PM  
Blogger Katrina said...

Thanks, everyone. You have all left important points.

Monica - in my heart, I think this will be me, at least I hope it will be. That I will be so filled with love for a child that I won't feel the constant loneliness of being single...

Rae - you make good points. However, I do have a house and I am finished my masters. I do not, however, have my weight under control, but I never have...and I just am not sure it is possible...LOL. Although, this past week I have had very little appetite, so that must be helping somewhat. LOL:)

I am sure I will try this month, and I will likely get over my doubt...there is no guarantee that waiting to TTC will mean I find a husband...just no guarantee at all.

April 12, 2005 5:13 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

And just because you have a child, doesn't mean you can't have a relationship...

I'm becoming a mother through adoption, and am happy in a relationship that is separate from my motherhood quest.

I waver sometimes too though.

April 13, 2005 6:51 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Katrina, I always saw this as two separate things, the ache for a child and the loneliness of being single. If you have a child, that child isn't going to fill that void of not having a partner or being more connected to your community. It will fill that ache in your heart that wants and need to love a child. I know myself that I have trouble connecting and making myself a part of the larger community. I still have that difficulty even as a mom, but that's something I need to learn to do. But I also have a son that I love more than I could imagine.

I would never tell anyone else what to do, except to try and look into your heart. If you feel that your heart is telling you to put off TTC for awhile to get out there, then do it. If your heart tells you that being a mom is what you want, then do it. You can make connections and meet someone after you're a mom. It's just that you're not single then in the same sense you are now, you're single + one very amazing and important little person.

April 16, 2005 6:57 PM  
Blogger Katrina said...

Thank you Michelle and Laura for your encouragement. :)

Laura - what you said was exactly what I know will be true...that I will still be as socially inept as I have been the past few years (I never used to be! honest!) even with child.

Ultimately, I can't envision my life without children, so I move forward...:)

April 16, 2005 8:16 PM  

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