Location: Washington, United States

I began my TTC journey in January 2005. It finally worked with the 5th IUI and along came Eliana! I started trying for a second (T42) a little over a year later, and was thrilled to get pregnant on the second try this time. Jacob soon joined our family! Not sure if I am done at two, but come along for my journey in motherhood. If you stop by, please leave me a short note! I like to know when I have visitors. :)

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Strange Dreams...

OK, so I pretty much finished my paper by about 1:30 am. I left one section that I will either fill in or take out later this morning, and then the Reading Paper is done. I also got my Research Proposal polished up and sent that in. Truth is, I only made the few changes the professor suggested, I didn't put much thought into it and don't expect a truly high grade on that...but my quiz scores should help keep that grade within the As, probably an A-. (what happened to my perfect 4.0 that I had?:(

Anyway, so in order to stay up last night I resorted to one of my old tricks. I brewed a big pot of coffee and just kept drinking and drinking. It did wake me up and help me to focus on my papers. However, it also did weird things to my body...maybe cause I put real sugar in instead of Splenda? I don't know. But I was buzzing like crazy....I rarely get that much of a buzz from coffee. That was weird. And then of course I had a very hard time getting to sleep...

But sleep I did, eventually. And I had the strangest (and kinda scary) dream. It was aboutBaby N.
For some reason, my grandma lived here in the States (and was actually related to the other side of my family??...). Anyway, so it was a Sunday and I was on my way to church, and I stopped at my grandma's house. I guess I wanted to tell her about the whole Baby N situation. So, I get there and there is this huge baby. HUGE. Anyway, turns out this is Baby N and my grandma is upset I haven't told her about the situation. Then I ask if I can hold him and she says before you do, I have something for you. She hands me a little paper that has a breakdown of $12000 that the birthparents want for baby. I look at it and pick up baby (with quite a bit of struggle trying to figure out how to take care of his neck since he is so young and yet so HUGE..I am talking like 25-30 pounds huge). I think, $12000 isn't bad for an adoption. Grandma tells me that the bdad and bmoms family really want to give baby up, but bmom doesn't. I immediately put baby down and tell her, I am not interested if bmom doesn't want to give him up. I leave (presumably for church).

Later or another day or who knows since this is a dream.....I get a call from someone (I don't remember who or it was unclear...maybe grandma, maybe bmom?) and decide to reconsider. I head over to the house and as I pick up baby, bdad (I assume) comes after me with a gun...I just keep running and running away and more and more people are firing machine guns at me.....

Then my cats start knocking at the door and I wake up. (yes they really do knock). As I wake up, I am horribly frightened still of the guns, but I think of the $12000 and how that would not have been agency/lawyer fees so that would have essentially been illegal..would have been "buying" a baby....

Very disturbing dream. If anyone is a dream interpreter, go ahead! hahah

OK, it is another day today and I am going to ignore my blog for the rest of the day and actually get work done here on the remaining two and a half papers.


Blogger Mrs. G said...

Wow Katrina! I thought I have weird dreams! I have been having dreams about the "children" we are "supposed" to adopt. I don't know if these are really "the ones" or not but I pray that they are. A boy and a Girl,,, She's 4 he's 2. They are beautiful.... and I can really picture them calling me mommy.

I am so understinding the dream..... your desire to be a mother and the anxiety of single parenthood. As well as wanting to make sure things are done right. Don't read to much into this particular dream though... I really doubt it means much.....

August 28, 2004 8:09 PM  

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