A Single Woman's Journey To Motherhood

Have half-siblings? want more vials?

2011-12-30T14:13:00.000-08:00

I just received a notice that my renewal is up...pretty sure I am done, so if you are interested in our 4 extra vials, let me know.

I cant change my email address to a gmail one which is all I use...so it was incredibly hard to remember this address...which does not even exist anymore. So stupid. Why cant i use a gmail addrss when google bought out blogspot????

eliana christmasconcert2010 013

2010-12-16T17:15:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

The Christmas story as told by Eliana's preschool. She is in the second row...fourth from the end.

Bowling boy

2010-03-17T21:31:00.001-07:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Bowling shoes girl

2010-03-17T21:30:00.003-07:00

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Birthday girl bowling!

2010-03-17T21:30:00.001-07:00

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2010-03-17T21:29:00.001-07:00

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Soccer player in the making!

2010-03-17T21:27:00.001-07:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Where have my babies gone?

2010-03-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that Eliana is F-O-U-R years old?? And Jacob is POTTY training??

Seriously, where has the time gone and where are my babies??

I don't have time for a decent update right now. We are in the middle of HSPE week and I am exhausted (state testing).

My little family is all well and healthy. Jacob is just about exited from speech and early intervention. The speech therapist has dropped regular appointments and we are allowed to go back if/when there is a concern rather than at any set time now. :) Early Intervention has been slower to drop him. Yesterday, it sounded like she might drop him in April, but I said well since we are going that long (I thought in February he should have been dropped), let's do the re-evaluation that they had planned at age 2. I think he will be caught up...he is speaking more and more these days and getting much clearer.

Eliana is healthy, though I really worry about her weight. I feel so bad for her that she has inherited these bad genes so early...We are headed to a dietician next week and hopeful they can give us some good advice/tips. I am trying to nurture any interest of hers in being active. I signed her up for dance/gym class again for the summer, plan on signing her up for swimming again too, and even considering soccer. I just don't want to be that busy in the summer is all! To give you an idea of my concern, she gained 9.5 pounds in the year from her 3 year old checkup to her 4 year old checkup...yikes! She also failed her hearing test at the ped's office, so we go for an official hearing test with the audiologist during spring break. (she failed it at 3 too but they said maybe she just didn't understand the directions).

The rest of my family has not been so healthy. My grandma was in and out of the hospital in January and into February, but seems to be doing better. My dad has now been in the hospital for just about three weeks where they amputated all of the toes on his right foot due to infection/diabetes. This has really scared me. I tend to be in good control of my diabetes, but I haven't been testing much lately and need to get back into it. I have noticed that I can not handle somethings anymore (like pancakes). I can see why my dad always disregarded these things...it's hard to give up things you so enjoy...

As for me, I am chugging along. Busy as always, exhausted like always. Not much new on my end. I will post a few pictures here in a bit (either tonight or the next few days...I need to clean for the housekeepers and get to bed).

shout little kidz choir Jesus loves the little children

2009-11-12T22:13:00.001-08:00

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2009-11-11T08:29:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Eliana and the Shout Little Kidz Choir sing "I've got the joy"

Please forgive my horrendous videography. :)

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2009-11-11T08:28:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Eliana and the Little Kidz choir sing "God is so good"

Kitty

2009-11-02T22:52:00.001-08:00

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Jacob holding a baby kitten at the Farm in October.

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2009-11-01T21:46:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

My animals on their way out!

2009-11-01T21:45:00.001-08:00

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Trick or treat!

2009-11-01T21:44:00.001-08:00

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2009-11-01T21:43:00.003-08:00

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First pony ride

2009-11-01T21:43:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Jacob's first pony ride at the pumpkin patch party at BCA.

Eliana singing Jesus loves the little children

2009-11-01T21:19:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

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2009-08-24T22:24:00.003-07:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Walking!

2009-08-24T22:24:00.001-07:00

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2009-08-24T22:21:00.001-07:00

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Eliana singing and dancing to one of our VBS songs from this summer. :)

Jacob and the tricycle

2009-07-22T22:35:00.001-07:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

My little guy still isn't walking, but he is certainly getting close!

Ellie and Anna, together again

2009-07-22T22:31:00.001-07:00

Ellie and Anna, together again
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Ellie is spending the week with Anna and her former babysitter who moved away. The girls were so happy to see each other! Don't let the height difference fool you...they are both the same age...only about 6 weeks apart, but Eliana is very short and Anna very tall! LOL.

Getting ready for dance class!

2009-07-05T14:08:00.001-07:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Eliana is so excited to be taking a dance class this summer. :)

Grandma, Eliana and Jacob

2009-07-05T14:07:00.001-07:00

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at Jacob's birthday party.

Aidan and Eliana

2009-07-05T14:06:00.001-07:00

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at Jacob's birthday party. :)

Bowling!

2009-07-05T14:05:00.001-07:00

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Jacob and mommy

2009-07-05T14:03:00.001-07:00

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My favourite picture from Jacob's birthday party.

Dressing up

2009-04-28T21:39:00.001-07:00

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Even Jacob gets into dressing up!

Rock star in the making!

2009-04-28T21:38:00.003-07:00

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Easter egg hunting!

2009-04-28T21:38:00.001-07:00

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Hunting for eggs at my aunt and uncle's.

Swimming

2009-04-28T21:36:00.001-07:00

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Eliana is taking real swimming lessons for the first time. All the kids are 5 except her..I am so proud of her!

First summer BBQ

2009-04-28T21:35:00.001-07:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Jacob and the walker

2009-04-27T22:04:00.001-07:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

I thought this was just hilarious. The new sitter has one of those walkers, but it doesn't work on the carpet. Well, Jacob has figured out how to make it work, he picks it up and lunges forward! Of course, the one day I actually bring my camera to get video, he doesn't want to perform!

Centraal Station Antwerpen gaat uit zijn dak!

2009-04-13T05:32:00.001-07:00

I love it!

A very late update

2009-02-23T20:53:00.000-08:00

Oh, so much going on since I last blogged.

As you may have suspected, I choose #3. SAHM with 2 boys about 15 minutes from here. I could not have made a better choice. I am so very very happy there and seriously feel like it was a blessing that our last sitter had to stop watching the kids.

With our last sitter (J), I never felt like she was really attached to my kids, just the kids she watched and waited to go home. They seemed taken care of all right, but I didn't feel any great connection with her or that she attached to the kids AT ALL. There was one thing that bothered me daily too. Her son was potty training (well he was trained but she didnt know how to stop the reward system), and apparently he got a piece of gum for using the toilet all day. For some reason, the timing of that was always after my kids left so pick would go like this EVERY DAY: I walk in the door, son is excited to see me and says to his mom "Can I have gum when Eliana leaves?" Every blasted day. I felt like he was just waiting all day for her to leave...

For a long time, I thought it was just me. I was, as you may recall, so very very happy with T our first sitter that we had for 2 years. She even became one of my best friends, and I thought well, noone will be her and that she was what I was comparing everyone to and noone would live up to that.

Fast forward to new sitter. I have found someone who I feel is very much like T. I love her, the kids love her, her kids love my kids, and I honestly believe that she is attached to my kids (in fact she told me so). So very very happy. Thank you God that we finally found a great new sitter. Now I worry about future babies in her family as I know she wants more, but I hope that she can have them in the summer and still want my kids for a while. :)

Other news:

Jacob has started crawling. Well, not quite crawling REALLY, but he is very mobile. He is close to a real crawl just only uses one leg...LOL.

Eliana is signed up for preschool next year. This preschool was not even on my radar because it is nowhere near me, but it is near new sitter (C) and she agreed to take her which is awesome (again, part of my worries C will not watch the kids for some reason in the future but i need to just trust God that it will all work out). LOVE this school. I can't wait until Eliana actually starts in the fall. The preschool is at a church (actually a friend from church works there), is Christian, and they have at least one parent activity a month IN THE EVENING or weekend so parents can get involved. And they have a Christmas concert. Oh, I am so excited. :) Eliana is signed up for the two day program because the 3 was full, but we are on the waitlist for the 3 day.

Finally, a not so good update. Jacob has been coughing since late OCtober. You may recall the episode with the pencillin which was meant to clear up the wheezing/coughing. Well, it has continued and gotten worse and we went to the clinic on Sunday who sent us to the ER and even threatened to hospitalize him. They didn't thankfully. Today we were back for a follow-up at our ped and they have diagnosed Jacob with asthma (with acute exacerbation if that means anything to anyone out there...doesn't to me). We are now (not so proud) owners of a nebulizer, accessories, and various medicines including some steroids...ick. Please say a prayer for jacob that this episode soon clears up and that we can get off the steroids. Thanks.

More sitter woes

2009-01-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

So, as if the 3:00 pickup wasn't bad enough...on Thursday, the sitter informs me that Grandma fell and broke her wrist. They have decided grandma can't live on her own anymore and guess who gets to take care of her during the day...yep. She can't watch the kids AT ALL anymore starting in February...Panic central. Again. I literally just feel sick that we have to look for childcare once again.

So, here is where I stand right now with choices for childcare:

1) A national day care center. 420/week Yikes! Not to mention the fact that I have a very hard time taking my baby to a day care center (think Eliana would probably like it well enough though...) near my house (5 minutes away)
2) Home day care #1. 360/week. Owner is a grandma who decided to get licensed to earn some extra money while watching grandson with Celiac disease (supposedly family was worried other day cares wouldnt take him?) Won't do much preschool activities..sounds mostly like babysitting, won't transport kids anywhere (such as preschool). About 8 minutes from my house
3) SAHM of 2 boys 4 and 18 months. 225/week. Goes to my church, nice big house, plans on doing some preschool worksheets with the kids and going on a few outings every now and then. Downfall: 15 minutes from home, adds at least 20 minutes to dropoff and pickup.
4) SAHM of 2 boys 4 and 7.5 months. 300/week. Lives in a townhome, not a lot of space, but will go out do and lots of activities. About 10 minutes from home.
5) Home day care #2. not sure of rate yet, going for a visit tomorrow night. Highly recommended by a lady at MOPS. I have heard great things about it every MOPS meeting. Does a lot of preschool activities and works very hard on potty training. about 15 minutes away from home, adding about 20 minutes to dropoff and pickup.

I am leaning heavily towards #3, but am scared to commit, worried about the extra travel time, and just that another SAHM might up and quit like this one....what do you think??

Oh, and there is one other option...there is one woman who lives in the next town north of me who would watch the kids for 600/month AND pick them up to take them to her house...seems awfully peculiar to me...that is a 20 minute drive one way at the best of times...but not at the hours I would need....

And also, for reference, I currently pay 300/week, with good old sitter I would have paid 250/week and with horrible sitter I paid 325/week.

Big week for Jacob!

2009-01-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to find time to blog since getting back, but we have been so busy, and so has Jacob!

On Sunday last week, I sat Jacob down in Eliana's crib so that I could change her diaper, when I turned around, he had pulled himself up to standing. He was so proud of himself, smiling and laughing and then boom! Down he fell (in the crib...so no need to worry). He is sure strong!

On Tuesday, his first tooth finally cut through.

And on Thursday, he said mama for the first time. He has no idea what it means, but I suspect he will soon since I get so excited each time. :)

What a week for Jacob!!

On another note, my new sitter has informed me that she wants me there by 3:00 every day. This has caused great distress for me. First, I can not guarantee to be home from school every day at 3. Some days I have parent conferences, students getting help, papers to grade, meetings etc. (school gets out at 1:50, we aren't allowed to leave until 2:20 unless of some emergency, and it takes 20-30 minutes to get to the sitter's) Second, this really means I can't go to the doctor or the dentist or what have you...especially my doctor because she is in the city where I teach while the kids are in the city that I live in and it is virtually impossible to pick up the kids and run back to the city I teach in in time for an appointment. As for the dentist, how can I go to an appointment with a 2 year old and infant? Very stressed about this. And thirdly, I had been coming home for about 30 minutes before picking up kids, to get dishes in the dishwasher or laundry in the washer, or check email, or just plain have a 20 minute nap when needed....I am very stressed about this. I told her that 3 was just plain not feasible on a daily basis, but I would try for 3:30. In the meantime, I don't want to change sitters again as we have had so many changes for the kids this year, but I will definitely be looking for someone new for September....

Why don't doctors listen??

2008-12-12T10:14:00.000-08:00

I am quite frustrated with doctors. When I was pregnant with Jacob, I said over and over the last week or so that something was wrong...noone listened.

Yesterday, I got a prescription for Jacob..amoxicillin. I said I am a little worried because Eliana is allergic to amoxicillin. Oh, no worries he says. Jacob probably isn't.

Wrong.

I am home today after 1 hour of working because Jacob threw up for 20 minutes straight and has a rash...Doctor still won't call it an allergy, it's an intolerance.

Who cares, listen to me next time. No amoxicillin for any child of mine.

Wheezing

2008-12-11T22:02:00.001-08:00

Well, I finally took Jacob in for a cough that just would not go away after more than a month. The doctor heard some wheezing and prescribed Amoxicillin. Eliana was allergic to Amoxicillin so I am a little worried that may happen here too..Mostly I am just worried about asthma...I have no experience with asthma and it just scares me. The doctor says there is a 50% chance that this is an isolated incident....hopefully that will be the case.

My praying fanatic

2008-12-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

Well, there are certainly much, much worse things to be fanatical about, but my daughter is quite insistent on the bedtime prayers. Apparently, one must again pray to bless the food as one goes to bed. And it is very important to remember every family and friend we know every night. You must also pray every night that a certain little girl not run off at church (hmm...I swear I only said that under my breath one night, but it has become part of our must haves at bedtime prayer). And tonight, a new one, pray for her crib? No idea what she really meant about that but she was insistent that I could not leave without praying for her crib...I prayed that she stay in her crib all night, that would make me ever so happy. :)

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2008-11-30T21:04:00.001-08:00

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2008-11-30T21:03:00.001-08:00

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christmas 2008 056

2008-11-26T20:07:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

We were trying to get this...

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2008-11-26T20:06:00.001-08:00

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Originally uploaded by kajohn345

And got this!

Is this one orange?

2008-11-20T05:34:00.000-08:00

LOL. My daughter just woke up as I am getting ready for work, comes out of her room, walks up to me and says,

Ellie: Is this one orange? (pointing to the binky in her mouth)
me: Yes.
Ellie: OK

And heads back to her room.

LOL

6 months!

2008-11-14T14:31:00.001-08:00

Can you believe it? Jacob is already 6 months (and one week!) old! It has just flown by.

He is such a happy baby. Loves to smile and laugh and is just so engaging. He had a very rough start, but you would never know it now! He is rolling both ways, can sit up assisted great, and unassisted for about 1 minute before doing a face plant. He babbles and drools like a maniac LOL. And he LOVES LOVES LOVES his food. Yep, that is right. We start solids around 5 months at the suggestion from the ped for his spitting up and enormous appetite, and he has not looked back. So far, Jacob has had (all homemade) butternut squash, carrots, green beans, peas, bananas, apples and pears as well as all the types of boxed baby cereals. He tolerates the green beans and craves the fruits.

We had hi 6 month appointment yesterday. I asked about his eating because Jacob cries when the food is finished and cries again when you give him a bottle. I know that milk (well, formula or breastmilk) is the most important thing still so I wanted to be sure he was OK. The ped said if he wants more food, give it to him. We already doing 2 cubes of baby food twice a day and we have been given the green light for three meals a day of how ever many cubes he wants. Just to be sure he gets a minimum of 24 oz a day of milk. Eliana never had more than 2 cubes so this is such new territory for me!

But, finally, the best news of all. Jacob is growing like crazy! At his 4 month appointment he was only the 4th percentile for height, this time at his 6 month appointment he has sprouted up to 30th! WTG, Jacob! As for weight, it has remained pretty much the same 18% at 4 months, 17% now.

I am so proud of my little guy. :)

Laundry is done

2008-11-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

As are the dishes, and that is just about it. I left off of my list the other important thing to do today and that is to upload all my pics to shutterfly in order to order prints and create a calendar for family members. That is just about done now...says about 20 minutes left. Unfortunately, I won;t have time to get the calendar ready today, but maybe one night after the kids go to bed I will be lucky enough to have time.

The thing that really needed done today was tidying up the computer room (where my parents will stay when they get here on the 17th). Of course I haven;t even begun there. :(

Anyway, I have enjoyed a day off. I didn't get my nap, I didn't get much done, but I worked for about 15 minutes every 30 minutes or so LOL, and did get a FEW things done. Will start another post to give Jacob's 6 month stats (his appointment was yesterday).

Work day

2008-11-14T11:25:00.001-08:00

Today is a work day. I took the day off for a dentist appointment and have great hopes of what I will do today. Of course, I always have more that I want to do than I can do, but so far, I have cleaned the freezer, bought the Christmas turkey for 29cents/pound, done one load of laundry, ordered $150 of stickers (I jest not, was very low in my sticker supply of smelly stickers and Spanish stickers..) as well as 3 new videos for the classroom, packed my shoebox for Operation Christmas Child that I need for MOPS tonight, and of course got my 2 fillings.

Left to do:
more laundry
load dishwasher
clean out computer room/extra bedroom
make applesauce for Jacob
organize my bedroom
and much more but if I even get the first three done on the list I will be impressed. :)

Of course, I had visions of a nap today, but I suspect that won;t be happening...if only I could have 2 or 3 workdays with kids at the sitters and no work...I may actually accomplish something!

You didn't say no?

2008-10-28T14:58:00.000-07:00

Saturday we went to a family get together and on the way home,

Eliana informs me "I want to watch one show before bed."

I replied, "OK, what do you want to watch?"

She responds, incredulously, "you didn't say no??"

LOL, guess someone has been hearing that a lot lately, yikes!

That makes me so happy.

2008-10-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

Eliana has been having a rough time with dropoffs at the sitter's lately. Ever since she was sick last Monday and I stayed home with her, she thinks it is an option to stay home every day. So, she cries and screams and throws a tantrum as I am dropping her off (I often get a similar tantrum when we go home in the afternoon because she doesn't want to LEAVE LOL). Anyway, yesterday was a pretty bad scene with her screaming and running after me, so as I left, the sitter picked her up and when she calmed down they talked about it.

Sitter: Where does mama go when she leaves here?
Eliana: Home to play.
Sitter: No, mama has to go to work to earn money for your toys, and your food and your clothes.

Eliana was satisfied with that and went on her day fairly happy. After school, I picked her up and this was our conversation on the way home, initiated completely by Eliana:

Eliana: you went to school to earn money?
Me: Yes, I work at school so that we can have a house, and food, and toys.
Eliana: Oh. That makes me sooo happy.

:)

Eliana at the beach

2008-10-18T21:56:00.001-07:00

I found Eliana in the bathroom today with the potty around her legs, apparently to be prepared at the beach! LOL. Before I got the camera, she told me it was for the water, but on camera she tells me it was just a potty for the beach. LOL

Anna and Eliana Dancing part 2

2008-10-18T21:55:00.001-07:00

More dancing, including Eliana's "river dance" which Theresa taught her.

Anna and Eliana Dancing Princesses

2008-10-18T21:54:00.001-07:00

Eliana and Anna dressed up in princess dresses and dancing..sigh, we will sure miss them.

Decisions, decisions

2008-10-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

I have 4 unused vials of Eliana and Jacob's donor. Every half sibling family that I know of wants them, but I just don't know what to do. I have two beautiful children who I love very much, but I can't help but think I would love a third a couple years down the road (not until Eliana started school most likely..can't afford childcare for 3). My mom is very against it, doesn't want me to risk my life as I do have two beautiful children who need a mother. However, i can't help but think I wouldn't be risking my life. I would know this time going in that I could have clotting problems and I would be on blood thinners from the very beginning...

I keep going over this in my head, but every time I encounter a pregnant lady, I so want to go through one more pregnancy. I love being pregnant, even despite all the hassles of the millions of appointments. I love feeling the baby move inside of me and once he/she arrives holding them close, watching them grow, watching their personalities form...

I have told myself that if I can get into better shape in the next two years I can consider it seriously, but if not, it IS probably too risky. So, to those of you hoping for those 4 vials, I am sorry, but you are going to have to wait another 2 years before I make that final decision. If that means I have noone to sell them to in a couple years, oh well, I don't think I will regret the couple hundred dollars it cost to save that dream for now.

BTW, I am home with a sick child today, not just skipping school to celebrate thanksgiving. :) Happy thankgsgiving to my Canadian friends.

Long overdue update

2008-10-04T21:24:00.000-07:00

In a word, September was CRAZY. You know how I said I wasn't 100% happy with the babysitter...well, it got worse and worse until one day she met up with the former sitter to go to the park, and I can't find any reason for the former sitter (who is my friend)to lie about what happened. Long list of things she was concerned of but this did it, I fired her the very next day. She went to the bathroom, in a public park, and told my kids to wait outside!!!!!!!!! My heart stopped when former sitter told me this. She was in the bathroom (in a stall) with her own daughter so you can't even give the sitter the benefit of the doubt that she thought someone else was watching out for them. So, I fired her and then began my search for another sitter. We now have a new sitter who I like right now. I feel 100% happy with her and it feels much like the previous setup where she is just watching her kids and mine. Her kids are 3 and 16 months. They go out to library storytime, visit their grandma, to the park, etc. Yes, I have to wake up the kids and take them to her, but at least they are safe.

Since leaving bad sitter behind, Eliana has made huge strides with her potty training. She can stay dry for long periods of time and let you know when she needs to go pee (not so much with the other yet..). I have even braved a few outings with her in panties and we have not had any accidents. The downside to this is that she is waking up at night time wanting to go potty...not so good for me. LOL.

Jacob LOVES cereal. His spitting up had seemed to get better when we moved to the lactose free formula, but it came back with a vengeance this past month. At his 4 month appointment, the ped told me to give it a few more days and if it continued to add cereal to his bottle and/or by spoon. Well, I have it 3 weeks and it didn't get better so we tried it by spoon. Night and day difference between Eliana's first cereal feeding and Jacob's. Eliana cried and scrunched up her face and looked at me like I had tortured her. Jacob cried when we finished the cereal...he wanted more! LOL. So, we are currently at 2-3 feedings of cereal a day. I hadn't planned on starting solids until 5.5 months like I did with Eliana, but since he likes it (and it was recommended...though it hasn't stopped the spitting up, but it is a little less) we will stick with this for a couple more weeks and start adding some baby food. Not sure if I will make his like I did Eliana. It is kinda too late I think to get a bunch of fruit at the fruit stand...guess I should try but no idea when I will ahve time.

Someone posted a comment wondering if I was off making friends. Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say that I have made new friends, but I am keeping busy. I have been regularly attending the Wednesday night parenting class at Big church. I have also joined a small group there that meets 2 Sunday evenings a week. Plus, I have been doing the MOPS thing. Love MOPS by the way. :) The parenting class has been interesting though I really am not meeting people there. The small group starts up tomorrow night.

So, I have been very busy and absolutely exhausted lately. Add to that Eliana has finally figured out and perfected getting out of her crib. Last night she refused to go to sleep...took about 2.5 hours to get her to sleep (on her floor..she refused to sleep in her crib), then a couple hours later she woke up, took off her pjs and diaper and came into my room to tell me she needed to go potty...this was repeated 3 times...the last time she crawled into bed with me...I got little sleep last night. Hoping tonight is better!

The new look

2008-09-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

Someone emailed the other day asking how to buy Tupperware from me. I am forever grateful for the business and I have added a link at the top of the page that links directly to my Tupperware page. Thanks!

Old Wounds

2008-08-28T04:04:00.000-07:00

It is 4 am and I can't sleep I am so disturbed by old wounds. At work yesterday we got an email that a coworker would not be at school the first week due to minor surgery and that flowers were being sent and there was a card in the office. Fairly normal protocol at our school. This happens for births, deaths, injuries, etc....Except when Jacob was born.

Who cares right? It was 3.5 months ago, get over it.

But it really hurt me. My son was born and was in the hospital for 17 days, and apart from immediate family (my mom and dad and my "aunt" and "uncle"), and my then babysitter/good friend, it seemed like noone cared. It was a terribly difficult time for me...

Even my church didn't seem to care. Sure, the pastor came twice while I was in the hospital, but not once did he or anyone from the church check on Jacob while I came home and he stayed there...

Old friends were notified, by my parents or through my blog, and many of them did not respond. Heck, there are a few friends who have still never sent as much as a "congratulations!" in an email. As I have said before, I am in desperate need of new friends.

Honestly, I am hurt, and I am not sure when this wound is going to heal..

A busy day

2008-08-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

What a long day it has been and I am exhausted. I spent my last day of freedom before going back to work tomorrow at 6am cooking and freezing a bunch of meals. In the midst of all this, Jacob decided to roll over for the first time. Way to go, Jacob!

Off to bed...I so don't want to go to work tomorrow. :(

6d6d0a41-6d40-11dd-85fd-001676bbb90bw

2008-08-25T16:08:00.005-07:00

6d6d0a41-6d40-11dd-85fd-001676bbb90bw
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

6dc08173-6d40-11dd-85fd-001676bbb90bw

2008-08-25T16:08:00.003-07:00

6dc08173-6d40-11dd-85fd-001676bbb90bw
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

6d8c03f2-6d40-11dd-85fd-001676bbb90bw

2008-08-25T16:08:00.001-07:00

6d8c03f2-6d40-11dd-85fd-001676bbb90bw
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

My little man.

2008-08-25T16:07:00.001-07:00

6f17d419-6d40-11dd-85fd-001676bbb90bw
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

It's so hard to go back...

2008-08-20T20:52:00.000-07:00

I so wish I could be a stay at home mom. It is so hard to go back to work. :( Today was my first day back. Not a "real" day in that I wasn't paid for work or anything so I didn't go in until 9, but it was still so hard to leave them. Eliana was very clingy when I got home and Jacob, though he had just woken up from a nice long nap the hour before, snuggled right in to nurse and went to sleep in minutes..

The hardest part is that once I am "really" at work, I won't even see them in the morning because they will still be sleeping. I know it is better for them to have someone come here and let them sleep until they wake up, but it is hard on me to not see them in the morning...

Sigh.

Miracles

2008-08-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

Jacob went to bed last night at 8:30 pm. It is nearly 7:30am and I have not heard from him. I woke up at 6:30 and couldn't sleep anymore worried something was wrong, but as I started to walk towards his crib at 7, I could hear him sucking on his fingers...thank God for fingers! :)

I love having Jacob in my crib!

2008-08-13T23:31:00.001-07:00

eliana jacob 004
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Eliana loves her little brother to pieces. She was so excited that I let him lay in her crib a bit in the morning the other day. I just had to take a picture. :)

VBS

2008-08-13T23:29:00.001-07:00

VBS
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

The kids getting ready to sing at church following vacation Bible school week. Eliana is at the bottom left.

Finally hired someone and other things...

2008-08-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I hired someone who is willing to come to the house to watch the kids every morning. I am about 95% happy with her. I was very happy with her during her interview. After the interview, she offered to follow us to the mall to see how it was taking the kids out on an outing. It was then that I was no longer 100% happy with her as she texted who knows who quite a few times while we were at the mall...Hopefully she can keep the phone away except for nap times....But honestly, I had very few choices at this point. My only other option that day was a home day care we visited on Thursday where the TV was on all day and the kids were snacking on Fritos....

I am also trying hard to put myself in situations where I can meet people. I contacted a MOPS group that meets Friday evenings and hopefully will be able to join them. I also contacted the other church I go to (not the one we attend on a regular basis, but the other one that I attend their Singles group sometimes and that we have gone to for certain events...much larger church and Eliana LOVES the play area there as opposed to our little tiny church that doesn't offer any groups for me that arent in the daytime and Eliana is stuck in a very very tiny portable...). I am going to try and join one of their Young Families small groups. Both things don't start until September of course...I find it so annoying that everything stops when I am most available and most energetic (in the summer when I am not working full time!). Hopefully I can make some new friends...

Today, I took both kids to the sitters. Not our previous sitter who is moving as she is packing up, but our "backup" sitter. This backup sitter doesn't usually want Jacob as she doesn't want two babies and already looks after one, but he is gone this week so I took advantage of that. I have spent the last two hours trying to clean up Eliana's room to have it look good when the sitter starts next week. Hopefully with her help we can keep on top of it! I have also emailed the MOPS group and that other church. I heard back from the church and he is going to contact one of the small group leaders for me. I also called a different church about their Awana program to see if they will be having a 2 year old class this fall to enroll Eliana in. They aren't sure right now as it doesn't have a leader, so I need to call back first week of September to find out. I asked about helping out (not to be the leader but to help), but I am not allowed to since I don't attend that church...Oh well, i could use 2 hours I guess to spend with just Jacob. :)

Well, I should get back to work on the kids rooms, and other things off my long list for today. I rarely have this time kidfree and I am paying very much for it, so must take advantage of it!

Prayers needed

2008-08-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

I know I have a fair amount of praying readers, so I wanted to ask for your prayers for Debbie over at Kool-Aid Mom Wannabe Baby N is having such a rough time and it is not looking good right now. What a rollercoaster ride D has been on, she needs a break and little N needs all the prayers she can get. Thanks.

Friends

2008-08-05T22:37:00.000-07:00

This is the start of my 7th year here. And in 7 years, I have pretty much lost touch with most of my former friends. I tend to think not through my own doing..I tried to keep in touch through phone or email, but they have busy lives and when you can't get together "in real life", it seems sooner or later you become forgotten..

In those 7 years, I have wanted to meet new friends. I have tried many churches for what I considered an adequate amount of time (minimum 6 months), and yet I have not made one good church friend. I didn't have any friends here until I was pregnant with Eliana. I eventually met another single mom having a little boy and we became friends. We are still friends, but already now at 2, our kids are so different...he is "all boy" and Eliana is "all girl". And then when i went back to work, I found a babysitter for Eliana and while she started out as "just the babysitter", she became a very good friend. The best friend I have had since I don't know when...possibly ever. She was the kind of friend I try to be to people and the kind of friend I have always wanted to have...and that is it. My two friends. And one is leaving...

And now I am back to square one. How do I find another friend? Is it going to take me another 7 years? Why do I have such a hard time making friends?

Sigh...I'm having a rough night, and I think the possible nanny has fallen through and I am back to square one on the childcare front too...it's too much for me right now....

Cowgirl Eliana

2008-08-04T14:52:00.001-07:00

Cowgirl Eliana
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

How cute can I be?

2008-08-04T14:46:00.001-07:00

How cute can I be?
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Stampede rides!

2008-08-04T14:44:00.001-07:00

Stampede rides!
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Grandpa and Eliana

2008-08-04T14:42:00.003-07:00

Grandpa and Eliana
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

With grandma and grandpa

2008-08-04T14:42:00.001-07:00

With grandma and grandpa
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

With great grandma

2008-08-04T14:41:00.001-07:00

With great grandma
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Our family

2008-08-04T14:40:00.001-07:00

Our family
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

jacob 072

2008-08-04T14:39:00.001-07:00

jacob 072
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Hugs

2008-08-04T14:38:00.003-07:00

Hugs
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

eliana 083

2008-08-04T14:38:00.001-07:00

eliana 083
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Questions about using a nanny

2008-08-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

As I said earlier, we are just heartbroken to be losing our current babysitter as she is moving away. Her daughter was definitely Eliana's best friend and she was like a second mother to her. She was also my best friend and was so good to me while I was pregnant with Jacob and while he spent so long in the hospital...I am devastated to be losing them.

I have found a possible nanny for us, and am most likely going to hire her, but I have never had childcare full time at my house before, so I have some questions if there are any readers out there who have used a nanny:

What is the usual expectation regarding cleaning? Am I going to come home to toys strewn all over the place? When I asked her she said that she would clean up after the kids, do the dishes and their laundry. Does that sound about right? Does that actually get done?

What do you do with things like your checkbooks and stuff? Do I need to “hide” them more than normal?

What about food? I expect her to feed the kids, do I need to have food for her too? Should I be asking her what groceries she wants or will she just work with what I have?

Any other advice? We have a few more options…one of which sounds very good to me too..a SAHM, former nanny, to a 2 year old girl, same age as Eliana. However, I do like the idea of someone coming to the house so I don’t have to pack the kids up in the morning…

I also worry about Eliana not getting the social interaction she did previously since the sitter had a daughter her own age...should I be concerned about this? What should I do about it? Or will she be fine a year until she can go to a preschool for part of the day?

Heartbroken..

2008-08-01T05:09:00.000-07:00

While away on vacation, we received the heartbreaking news that our beloved babysitter's husband got the job he applied for in Spokane and we will be losing them. I feel like both Eliana and I are losing our best friends...

When I told Eliana that they were moving, she said "I'm going to miss them. I'm going to cry."

Yeah, me too...

What happened?

2008-07-15T02:36:00.000-07:00

OK you knowledgeable computer people, please help me out. I was happily enjoying my RSS feeds in my outlook, it was updating when people posted to their blog which was keeping me on top of things, and then boom, no more updates, it stopped checking them. What happened and how do I fix it?

Growing

2008-07-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

It's official. Jacob is growing. :) At his 2 month appointment today, he was 10lb13oz, 22 inches long. He is in the 24the percentile for weight and 14th for height..Sigh, why do I keep growing short kids? I am sorry they always seem to inherit my genes..

Listening

2008-07-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

Please, someone tell me that sometime soon Eliana will start listening and obeying. LOL. It has been three days now that she has not been able to use her free cone from McDonald's coupon that she earned for reading 30 books. Saturday, she ran outside and down the deck stairs on her own after I told her to stay inside (makes me very nervous since exactly one week before she fell down said stairs and PASSED OUT!!). Sunday, she had a gigantic meltdown at Target and refused to wear her shoes so she could walk and screamed her bloody head off when I put her in the cart. And then today, in a parking lot, she runs off and into the parking lot...clearly a no-no as I was telling her so. The saddest part of all is that our next stop was to get her ice cream...and she knew it.

Sigh, I know I have years more of this, just blowing off some steam.

Heard today at my house...

2008-07-03T20:31:00.001-07:00

Eliana, upon sneezing, "I've got a bless you in my nose."

And upon passing gas, "I've got an excuse you in my bum."

Where does the time go?

2008-07-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

It seems like the weeks before I go back to school are just flying by. We have settled into a pretty decent routine. Having two kids means a lot more crying in my house right now, and likely in the future too LOL, but it also means a lot more cuddle time and it is just wonderful watching Eliana with her little brother. She loves him to pieces.

In just three days (july 5th, Ryan's birthday - Happy birthday! I know you are over on this continent somewhere right now!), Jacob will already be 2 months old. Two months! How did that happen?! He is growing like crazy and I can't wait to go to his 2 month appointment to get the actual stats.

He is finally catching on to breastfeeding...he isn't perfect, but getting soo much better. We can do many feedings of just breastmilk, with probably about 3 bottles added a day right now. And a few of those bottles are now because I don't have the supply, not because he doesn't have the stamina.

He still spits up an awful lot. I switched to Similac Sensitive, and I think he spits up less volume (though probably still just as often) when given a bottle, but he also continues to spit up breastmilk. This could mean he has a lactose sensitivity since the SS is lactose free, but I am not quite ready to give up dairy completely...nor do I know that I actually should.

Sleeping is OK. he still wakes 2-3 times a night on average, but right now that is OK. Once I go back to work will be the real challenge! We are also making some progress with WHERE he sleeps. He had been sleeping in his car seat as that was the only place he would sleep and surprisingly the pediatrician had told me that if he slept best there, then go with it. I never liked the idea much though, so I am thrilled that he will now sleep in the bassinet for a while and tonight, cross your fingers, I laid him down in his crib 40 minutes ago and he is still asleep...could we be so lucky? Granted, i laid him down inside a cosleeper in his crib...and he only has about 2-3 inches to go before he will outgrow the cosleeper, and then what will I do? LOL.

As for me, I am working on getting household stuff done. I am spoiled during the summer because I take Eliana to the sitter's one day a week which gives me time to do some stuff without her around, though Jacob is not always that cooperative. I have gotten much better about getting the dishes done daily, a necessity now with all the bottles. When it was just ELiana and I we could easily get away with just doing them every couple days, often only twice a week. Sleepwise I am doing OK, though again, I suspect I will be hurting once I get back to work.

Well, there is a little update from us for now. Happy belated Canada day to my Canadian readers, and happy early 4th of July to the Amercian ones!

Drama at the library

2008-06-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

Eliana loves books. What a good girl, she absolutely takes after her mother. :) So, a big highlight of our week now that I am at home is going to the library. This week, there was much drama to be had, however.

First, as we were perusing the videos, looking for more Wiggles videos, a child walks up to Eliana and tries to take the Dora video right out of her hands. Eliana squawked (spelling?), I distracted the girl and her mother said something to her in an unknown language. Then, I turn the corner, continuing to search for the Wiggles (which I never found by the way...they were all out), and the girl comes back again. I look at her and see her coming towards Eliana and getting a little too close for my liking and I keep saying no, no, more and more firmly. The mother doesn't even look once. The girl moves away, I turn around to look again and then all of a sudden she is back before I can even bat an eye. This time, she walks right up to Eliana, takes her binky OUT OF HER MOUTH, and runs off. Oh my. If you know my daughter, you know how attached she is to her binky. When Eliana is describing a picture to you, there is mama, and Ellie and binky. It is like her best friend. There were screams and real tears and yes, we got the binky back, but she was so traumatized I heard about it all night long. "I cried mama. The girl took my binky." She even had to tell grandma on the phone!

Yikes! Who knew it would be so dangerous to go to the library?! LOL

By the way, we have entered the reading challenge and while I know we will have no trouble reading 60 books, heck, we could probably do it in one week, if you have any favourite books you would like to recommend for our reading list, please let us know. Eliana loves picture books these days. Her favourites at home right now have been the Little Golden books and the Dr. Seuss books. (her all time favourite this week has been Hunches in Bunches which we took out of the library last week...a Dr. Seuss book I had never before heard of!)

Two more sillies from my older munchkin

2008-06-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

This one I suppose is not so silly, but it just seemed so odd. From the moment she woke up this morning, ELiana has asked for only one food today: green beans. That is what she wanted for breakfast when I replied that I didn't think we had any but we could buy some later. Then she asked for them again at snack before nap, same reply. When she got up from her nap, Eliana put on her shoes and her coat and when asked where she was going? "to buy my beans". Yes, after lunch, we did head out and buy the girl some green beans...Very bizarre since I don't like green beans myself and had to actually ask someone how to prepare them! LOL

This evening, Eliana found some pajama bottoms and put them on under her dress. As we were getting changed for the evening into our pyjamas, I tried to put the top to another pair of pyjamas on her and she screamed and screamed. When i inquired as to what was wrong this time, she told me "they don't match". LOL. I finally got her to wear the top when I explained we were going to put on the matching pants too. :) LOL. If you actually know me personally, you should find this also quite bizarre since I am absolutely not in any way interested in fashion..LOL

In other news, I expect Jacob to grow a foot overnight. He went from eating 3-4 ounce bottles, to eating 6-8 ounce bottles practically overnight. He hasn't been going to sleep very well at night time which has had me very exhausted and then last night in the course of about 2 hours, he ate 10 ounces, yikes!, but then slept from midnight to 7 am! Can I be so lucky again? probably not since he only ate 4 ounces right before he fell asleep, but at least he fell asleep at 9:45 instead of midnight!

That's my doughnut.

2008-06-18T13:11:00.001-07:00

Ahh, kids, you gotta love them.

This morning while getting ready to head out, Eliana looks at these brass African figurines I brought back from Africa.

Eliana: That's my dad.

me: You don't have a dad. You have a donor.

Eliana: That's my doughnut.

:)

Kisses

2008-06-10T21:58:00.001-07:00

f8025579-29d8-11dd-8189-0019d11927cbw
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Our family

2008-06-10T21:09:00.001-07:00

f7d292e8-29d8-11dd-8189-0019d11927cbw
Originally uploaded by kajohn345

Finally home and some pictures!

2008-05-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

Not sure if I posted here that Jacob FINALLY came home Wednesday night. He is doing well..that first day we were worried because he didnt seem to be eating as much as he had in the hospital, but we had our followup with the ped on Friday and he had gained..and is now over 8 pounds! Wow!
Here are some pics for you! :)

Minutes after getting down to NICU:

A few minutes later, hooked up to CPAP

Late on day 2 when they had taken off CPAP

A few days later with the feeding tube

Finally tube free the night before he came home (this Tuesday), with my dad.

About to leave the hospital

Both my kids, at home!

That's all for now!

So frustrated

2008-05-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I am so frustrated...I have done fairly well I think with holding up and staying positive through these past 2 weeks, but I just broke down today when they said Jacob couldn't go home because he missed his goal by something like 7 mililiters...7 freaking mililiters...They are so focused on those numbers (total mililiters of food intake) and I think it is ridiculous...and then this morning we had the nurse we dont like because she really doesnt seem to try very hard, and I can almost 99% guarantee Jacob is also not coming home tomorrow (on Friday, we were told probably Sunday or Monday, yesterday we were told probably tuesday...).

I am not sure I can take it anymore...I was just so weepy today, I want my son home and I honestly am starting to feel like they are holding him hostage at the NICU...

Update on Jacob

2008-05-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

Well, after I posted, I got a call from the NICU that the nurse practitioner wanted to speak with me. They are concerned that he has been running a slight fever the past few days and his platelet count is low (50). They have run all sorts of tests and have not found any infection, but they have started treating him for an infection anyways. He is in isolation now, meaning to come into his room you have to wear a gown and gloves and leave them before you leave the room. They want to run a spinal tap to rule out an infection in his spinal fluid, but that has not been run yet.

The good news is that Jacob's blood sugars have been stable the past few days and they are trying to wean him from the IV, though he still gets much/most of his feedings through the feeding tube. I suppose after he is weaned from the IV, that would be the next step to get him to eat more from the breast or bottle...

It has not been as simple as I thought, and the stress is really starting to weigh on me. Today was extra hard as it is Mother's day, plus it was the day he was supposed to be induced...

Continued prayers are appreciated.

Jacob is here!

2008-05-09T22:27:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, I had been quite concerned about things last week...well, went to my NST on Monday (May 5th), and within 15 minutes the nurse said, I think you are having this baby today. The OB concurred, however the problem was that I had taken my Heparin just before the NST (they were both due at 3:00pm). The OB didn't think Jacob could tolerate labour, so preparations were made for an emergency c-section. By 5:30 I was given protamine to reverse the Heparin, by 7:30 I was in the OR and at 8:04 he was born. Jacob let out a very angry cry, and then stopped breathing. There was also meconium in the amniotic fluid. The NICU was at his birth and worked on him quickly to restore his breathing. They showed him to me briefly, then whisked him down to the NICU. He was placed on CPAP to help with his breathing and since his glucose was way too low (11 I think..), they started an umbilical cord line (the medical types will know the correct term) of glucose. His blood sugar level got as level as 7 at one point...I didn't get to see him until 10:00am on Tuesday. He was off CPAP by Wednesday, but his blood sugars continue to be a big problem. He is so sleepy and he doesn't want to eat..so they started a feeding tube yesterday (Thursday). Today, he is starting to eat a tiny little bit by breast and bottle, and hopefully he will start learning to regulate his blood sugars soon and to eat...I am hopeful that he will be home by the end of next week...the doctors won't give me a timeline, so that is just my own hope. They had originally said 4-14 days...so we will see.

I am home as of tonight and trying to recover from a c-section. I wanted to avoid one at all costs and this has been confirmed LOL. I much much preferred the recovery from a vaginal delivery, but he had to come out and it had to be then. The neonatalogist at his birth told me he would not have made a vaginal delivery, so it was definitely the right choice.

I am really tired, quite sore, and heading to bed. I have some pictures but haven't downloaded them yet.

Made a trip to Labour and Delivery today...

2008-04-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

I have been stuck with this nasty nausea and diarrhea for days now...I felt incredibly awful at school all morning and when I went to the bathroom just before lunch, I had some more explosive diarrhea...accompanied with what seemed a huge gush of something. I was a little worried since I had peed like only maybe 30 minutes before and most of the time I pee these days, it is annoying to feel like you have to pee so much and only a trickle comes out. I went to lunch, bought my lunch and just sat and stared at it. I couldnt bring myself to eat it, I felt so nauseous and dazed and confused (likely my blood sugar was way too low), and concerned that perhaps my water had broken and that I hadn't switched from Lovenox to Heparin yet, etc..Eventually, a coworker (who had preterm labour with her twins) convinced me it would be better to be safe than sorry, and I left school and went to L&D. They tested for amniotic fluid, and it was negative...so I guess I just peed. They kept me for about 3.5 hours hooked up to the baby monitors because Jacob was not behaving with the impromptu NST. There weren't many decels (I think maybe one), but he wasn't being "reactive". Eventually, they let me go but reminded me to keep all appointments.

I have taken Wednesday off of school, but think I will try and go in Thursday for sure since I can't get my long term sub that day (she has a prior subbing committment). I haven't made a decision on Friday yet which was to be my last day anyway...

This nausea is really getting to me...I can handle the diarrhea though I do think I am getting dehydrated as I just cant seem to keep my mouth wet..but it's the nausea that is really getting to me. It all started Friday night, so it has been quite a while now. I got a prescription from the OB Monday night for it, but it made it worse and I actually threw up in bed..ugh. I know that I don't have much right to complain since I avoided the morning sickness at the beginning of both of my pregnancies, but I don't know how to live with this...accompanied by an insane amount of gigantic burps...Don't I just sound so lady-like right now??

And since I am grumbling about everything, let me also add that I have a lovely cold...so my chest muscles are so sore from blowing my nose...I can just imagine how sore I would be if I went into labour anytime soon...

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. :)

Jacob has received his eviction notice!

2008-04-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

First off, thank you to everyone for your kind comments below. Things have thankfully fallen into place for a sub. I never did hear from Human Resources which is just plain strange, but thankfully my department head had the email address for one candidate and eventually gave it to me. (why she couldn't have given it to me on Friday so I wouldnt have had to spend the whole weekend stressing...is beyond me). I met with the candidate today and "hired" her. Honestly, I have no idea how one shoudl really go about doing these things, but I was at the point where I am pretty sure anybody who was "capable" would do. LOL. Hopefully she will end up being a great choice. :)

I still don't know what I am doing for bottles...I guess I have decided to replace them, although I really would rather just use my Avent ones...I was leaning towards the Born Free bottles, but I read somewhere that they had a lot of parts, and that will just annoy me...I likely will end up going with the playtex drop-ins, but I want to check out the evenflo bottles first (the nipples look small from the pictures online and I am not sure if they will be good for a breastfeeding baby...) They would be the cheapest choice, and simple...so that would be great if they worked. :)

And, as my title said, I have an official eviction date for Jacob. If he does not decide to make his appearance beforehand, he will be induced on Mother's day, May 11th. I would rather go into labour on my own, but I am not too hopeful since I didn't with Eliana either...

I had an ultrasound on Monday, and Jacob is ALREADY (as of 35w2d) measuring bigger than Eliana was at birth (38w0d)! yikes! He is estimated at 6lb11oz. The OB predicted today that he would be about 8 pounds at birth...I guess that is a "normal" weight, but compared to Eliana, that just seems so huge!

Once Jacob arrives, it will take a while for me to update, since I will be in the hospital for around 3 days after delivery due to the clotting issues...what a long time. I found it so boring last time, and I suspect i will again...even more so as I will be hooked up to an IV for a few days after delivery...argh.

OK, well, I am exhausted and heading to bed. Have a wonderful night everyone!

Stressed

2008-04-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

I am having a lot of stress this weekend and just need to vent somewhere.

On Friday, I found out that my student teacher did not pass her exam (again) and so will not be eligible to be my sub. Very sad since it would have been the best situation for everyone..she knows the kids, knows how our classroom works, etc. So now, I am stuck trying to find someone on my own and I dont even begin to know how to do this. On top of that, I had pretty much planned to stop work on May 2nd (two weeks) since I switch to Heparin on April 30th and will need to go in for daily blood tests 4 hours after one of my 3 shots to check dosage...that on top of my daily appoitnments, etc...and I just didnt think I could handle working all day on top of that. So again, this leaves me only 2 weeks to find someone..and the only work day between now and May 2nd that I DONT have an appoitnment immediately after school is April 29th, and I had hoped to spend that day meeting with a sub to go over how things work in my room and where we are at, etc...My department head seems to have no interest AT ALL in helping other than she gave me a list of 5 subs she knows who speak Spanish. No contact information for them, so I coudlnt do any of that this weekend...and then when I said I dont know when I am going to ahve time for this, she just said "I dont have time either". Very, very stressed...I am SO glad that I have pushed my kids all year to be ahead of where I am usually...because it could be that they get no instruction for these last 6 weeks of school...I honestly feel like going to my OB appoitnment this week and asking to be put on leave now, just so I dont have to deal with this...but I cant do that..

Second, I am stressed over bottles. I had planned on using the same bottles I used with Eliana which were highly recommended for breastfeeding moms and ELiana went back and forth between breast and bottle without a single problem...but now they say they are bad and have BPA...I dont know what to do instead and for some reason it seems just overwhelming to decide on a new bottle. Not to mention expensive since I have a ton of bottles! And I never heated her bottles anyway, so not sure how much of a concern it really is...

And third, just very emotional right now. yesterday while organizing clothes in Jacob's room I came across a bag that my mom had left of new clothes she bought and brought down at Spring break "in case someone gave me a shower". I feel so sad that I am not having a shower for this baby...Eliana had 5 showers and was so wanted and loved and anticipated, I feel like it is just not fair for this little guy. And at work last week someone asked me if I was having a shower and it was so awkward...I mean, noone organizes their OWN shower, so how would that happen??

OK, thanks for letting me vent.

the 31st week of pregnancy

2008-03-22T22:11:00.000-07:00

I just completed my 31st week of pregnancy, meaning I am now 31weeks0d. Not sure why I was never able to get the ticker to show up properly in the header up there...

It was an exhausting week. On Monday, I had a parent conference after school, followed by an appointment with the tax accountant, run home to eat dinner, and then back to the babysitter's so that I could babysit her daughter while they went to church. She and her husband sing in the choir and had to sing for the reconciliation mass...she got home around 11:15...I was exhausted. My plan had been to fall asleep on their couch after the girls got to bed (I left Eliana there when I left since it didnt make sense to wake her up to put her back to bed to wake her up in the morning to drop her off...), but their dog barked the ENTIRE night and I couldnt sleep more than about 15-20 minutes. argh.

Tuesday, I had my NST after school. Thankfully, it was uneventful.

Wednesday, I had my OB appointment. My blood pressure was a little up, 130something over 70something, from just the day before at my NST. My OB was out so I saw someone else..it was a woman, and I felt more comfortable asking her questions, and I asked her about circumcision because I am still undecided. She wouldnt answer thing, however, other than basic questions about how much it costs and when they do it. I even said, "if you were having a son, would you circumcise him?" but she said that was a personal decision..frustrating. I am asking not in judgement, but because I really wanted to know what a "respected" "informed" person thought... When I asked my ped, he had no difficulty talking to me about it and told me that he "marginally recommended it"...I am just not sure that "marginal" is enough to take something away from a person who has no say in it with no compelling reason... Anyway, she also increased one of ym diabetes meds. I half expected to be put on insulin...hopefully it will work. It didnt look like it was working, but then agian, I ate horribly for dinner (pizza one night and Mcdonalds the other...this is what happens when I have all these darn appoitnments and get home so late!), but my after dinner numbers the past two days with homemade chicken fajitas has been good. My lunch numbers still leave something to be desired though...

Thursday, I had another growth ultrasound. Jacob seems to be doing well...he was estimated at 3pounds 13ounces. Not sure where that relates, but I think from the few week equivalents that I saw that he is now probably about 1 week ahead instead of 2...

Looking forward to a much more relaxed week next week with only one appointment..my weekly NST on Wed. The following week is spring break, and I convinced my mom to come out to help watch Eliana during my many appointments taht week (one a day Tuesday-Friday!) and hopefully to help me get Jacob's room to actually BE his room and not the guest/storage room...

Also looking forward to Easter tomorrow. Today, I took Eliana to an Easter egg hunt at one of my churches. She had a great time picking up eggs and putting them in her basket. We came home, and she slept for almost 4 hours!! After supper tonight, we coloured Easter eggs too which she thought was a lot of fun...especially since we put stickers on them too. LOL. Tomorrow, we may go to church if we get up early enough (the service is at 8!), it is followed by a breakfast and egg hunt so i think she would like that. If we don't get up early enough, we might to the other church (the one that had the egg hunt today) because I wouldnt mind seeing their Easter program, and I know she always enjoys their children's church. Whatever we do in the morning, I am hoping I can get her to haev a decent nap before we head over to my aunt and uncle's house for dinner and a visit from the Easter bunny. :)

Happy Easter to all of you who celebrate!